Friday, 31 May 2013

Yowers. Hair Removal.

Why do we even have hair? Like on your head I get and eyebrows. But like why the fuck do girls need leg, underarm, arm and upper lip hair? It makes fuck all sense (sorry for the excessive language I'm in a rather atrocious mood - I'm being ignored and I have no clue of why... hence me bitch shit mood...) like why on earth would you need leg hair? Ugh. So Anyways having ranted a little about hair *cringe* lets get onto the removal of said devil!

Methods of depilation/epilation

1. Shaving
Why do women shave? It's ineffective, it gives you terrible burns, rashes and makes it grow back faster and thicker, sorry but, fuck that. Until the skin gets used to it, shaving is such a nightmare.  Seriously, ladies stop it with the shaving. I get it is quick, relatively painless and cheap but it is horrible for you. How many times have you ended up with razor bumps and those strange dots all over your legs. A girl I knew (I shan't mention which one for obvious reasons but if she ever sees this she'll know it's her) was hairy Sasquatch of a woman I mean like she makes King Kong look like Bruce Willis' head it's so funny, but yeah she started shaving when she was really quite young, way before she even needed to just to look cool and now she waxes but omg it is pointless - she has the most visible pores/hair follicles on her legs it's so bad!!! She does her arms, legs, underarms. She can get the hair away but the pores and follicles are still there. If I could give any young girl any advice on I would say hold off on the shaving - like please don't do it. I can't really tell you any personal experience cuz I've only ever done it once... Fuck my Maa is reading this... Sorry Maa. It was only once and I never did it again - I swear.

2. Trimming
Ladies that trim I hold a certain light for you, you have the confidence to have a fuzz on your lady bits. That takes... well I'd say balls but it seems a slight bit inappropriate considering we are talking about vaginas. Anyways, obviously trimming is better than shaving but if you don't have the confidence to do that then you're a bit screwed. I don't particularly like this method but it's not that bad.

3. Friction
See I only found this out a while back and tbh I think it's a great idea! You basically use something that has a lot of friction (say sandpaper) to buff away the hair. There don't seem to be any side affects unless you're a dope and you do it really hard. You can use sand paper of really high quality and made of natural substances, a friction mitten or pumice stone and the results last about the same as shaving but you don't get that horrid stubble. I really want to try this but they say it shouldn't be used by people with sensitive skin.

4. Waxing
Okay, ladies - we are big girls here and it's not that bad of a pain... Okay I'm lying it does hurt but no where near as much as people say. It stings a little when they pull it off but it's not that bad. I have had waxing done (odd experience and I never want to repeat it) and I've used the at home kits and I really like them! I've used the Veet waxing kit (not the easy wax - horrendous contraption!) and I literally fell in love with it - the only reason I don't use it anymore is because the hair on my legs and such is now so damn thin and basically nonexistent that it doesn't pick it up.  Girls, I would really recommend getting it done but if you are confident you can do it yourself than by all mean go for it but please, please, please read the instructions very carefully and follow them to the letter.

5. Sugaring
It's like waxing but it's with a sticky mix of, you guessed it, sugar, water and lemon juice. You take two units of sugar and add one quarter unit of water and one quarter unit of lemon juice. Heat the yummy mess to about 118 degrees if you want a thick paste or for a gel like consistency 121 degrees. Allow to cool and then apply powder to your skin. Once cooled use the strip method to remove hair. Apply with a spatula in the opposite direction of hair growth and then apply a strip of porous cloth or paper (I hear that jeans fabric works really works well) and rip off in the direction of hair growth. I guess this is good for anyone who is allergic to the ingredients in normal wax.

6. Threading
OMG I hate threading it kills like a bitch, leaves cuts everywhere and makes me breakout so badly... however you do get a really nice shape. Maybe it's my  uber-sensitive (it's not letting me put the umlaut on... grrrr....) skin but I cannot stand getting threaded. I prefer to tweeze. For those who don't know what threading is it's when they get thread that is especially for threading and double it, they then twist it and roll it over areas of hair, it plucks the hair out and cuts some. If don't well it can be fine however it still kills like a bitch.

7. Dipilatory creams
I will and always have sworn by hair removal creams - namely: NAIR!!! I love the stuff. It doesn't hurt, it's less expensive than a good razor and shaving cream, it softens the hair and prolongs growth and it so easy to do. They work by dissolving the hair using thioglycolates which break down the keratin in the hair thus making it easy to simply scrape away. They can cause irritation and if left on for too long can cause chemical burns, but if you are careful you're fine. I have been using them all my adult life and I still swear by them and would advise any young girl to use it unless they are like allergic or something.

8. Laser hair removal
Okay, it is a miracle but it also has the price tag to match. I personally would never use lasers on my skin because I think it's a bit too extreme for me. You can do it at home with special kits or go and have it done - tbh I would really say go to a professional and do it just for safety's sake, you know? Again I've never tried it but they say that it can be permanent with enough treatment depending on hair type, but yeah - a bit extreme for me.

9. Epilators
These things are the most amazing things in the whole freaking world. I have one and it is like my holy grail. I've professed my undying love for them in previous blogs and believe if you can get over the noise than you can use them without any hassle. They hurt much less than waxing, they are expensive but you pay £20-30 for a wax and that's what? Every 2-8 weeks so if you times that for a year or so you kinda do recoup your money, it's not messy, you can do it yourself at home and it literally take 5 minutes. 

A few tips:

- Prepare yourself. It make a scary noise like the mouth of Hell and it does hurt the first few times but no more than the first time you waxed - I'd say less and I am a wuss.

- Right, you have a low pain thresh hold but I wouldn't really advise you to start off with a lower tweezers count and then work up but the only thing with that is you end up with a few that you don't need - you could eBay or Amazon them but it's just better to go in feet first! Get a good one - Braun, Phillips and Emjoi seem to be the best according to loads of Youtube clips from beauty chicks!


- Epilate after your bath/shower and make sure you exfoliate because with epilating you can get a few ingrown hairs.


- Try not to use a moisturizer straight after let your skin chill for a bit or apply a little baby power and then wipe it off and use lotion or whatever.


I have a very strict routine for hair removal, I exfoliate like a crazy and I have to moisturize a lot, that and I'm really lucky cuz like I said I have super soft, basically nonexistent body hair so I have not many problems... I feel a bit better about myself now. 


Anyways! That was me on hair removal.


As always,

Love,

Monica

         xxx

Monday, 20 May 2013

My Summer Without Makeup

Okay so when I was about 13 I started wearing makeup, much to my mothers chagrin! But yeah tbh I needed it not only was I short and dark skinned but I had terrible skin, braces and glasses and I was weird.

Anyway, it started off as just mascara then slowly I added foundation... the power foundation.. then pencil eyeliner.. then liquid. I had always had 10 different mascaras, kohls, eyeliner (liquid and pencil) and the rest of the freaking range basically the whole nine yards. I tried fake eyelashes. I remember once I was an art project for a friend! I was quite proud of this! LOL Anyway, so she got the most ridiculous leopard print neon blue and black eyelashes you have ever seen and put them on me she put my hair up in this elaborate bun, made me wear these massive crazy glasses and this gorgeous statement necklace. I looked stupid as fuck but she took the pictures and edited them so it was really pop art. It came out so good and she got a really good grade for it! What I am trying to say is I got really obsessed in make up. I wore it 24 hours a day. I didn't feel safe or confident without it. It was like my armor. I had to wear it and this caused havoc with my skin as you can probably guess. 

After a good few years later and I started tone it down. So no fluid foundation but still powder and I still wore a tube of mascara and a pencil of eyeliner everyday, this carried on for a while. Then again I took it down a few more notches - no more powder foundation and then I just switched from liquid eyeliner or mascara and sometimes both... okay mainly both and like a quarter of a tube of it but that is still less than I used to wear! Then I got with my hubby... I spent few days with his family and that was the first time in a long time I hadn't worn makeup for consecutive days! But it was a start. After I got married I tried to tone it down even more, not wearing makeup unless I was going out or was bored and wanted to take pictures, sometimes even not wearing it at all.. but I would whine the whole time. Being inside and letting my skin breath has helped my skin so much - it's more clear than it has been in 7 years... Gosh I feel old... Anyways, so that was me up until maybe two weeks ago!

Picture it, beginning of May and the sun is out, (yes, the sun! Remember those few day we had of sun? Urgh) and I think I will get my wifey on! I make up a little picnic for me and the hubby to enjoy down by the river after he gets back from work. So there we are on the grass and I randomly decided to have a summer without makeup... well to an extent.

So I'm going pencil eyeliner, mascara, lipstick and liquid eyeliner free. My plan is to only wear lip tint, factored lip balm and powder foundation, but the power foundation is only to keep my factor fifty sunscreen from looking shiny and running everywhere! My eye makeup fetish all these years seem to have be a very stupid thing now I think about it. Everyone I have ever met has told me that I have cool eyes. Like I always thought my eyes were really big and stupid cuz I got called names like bug face and bush baby. But over the months my husband has convinced me that my eyes are pretty and I have figured out that with a good set of eye lash curlers that I have quite long eyelashes that don't particularly need mascara or eyeliner.

So yeah! I've decided that I'm not wearing makeup which is shocking. My maa was quite pleased she thinks I'm pretty and my husband says he's not too fused he loves me with or without but I know deep down he likes being able to just see his little wife just the way she is.


These are my first steps to loving my skin and by extension myself. I was never a confident girl but hey, 20 is a big number and I think it's time for a for a few changes

Ladies, contrary to popular feminine belief we are beautiful just as we are and lads think we look better without our 4 inches of makeup, painfully straight hair, lingerie-esque clothing and stripper heels.


Would you be able to go a whole summer without makeup?

Anyways, as always,

Love,

Monica
         xxx

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Relationships are a second job, dude.


Relationships are hard. It's no fun if you have a smooth ride. You need to be tested and so you can get to know each other.

Little things like nagging or teasing can end up having quite a big impact like I don't understand why the hell the toilet seat being up or down is such a massive thing. Like why? It's not that hard to put it down, true but if it's not that hard to put it down then why are you complaining? Who cares? It's a toilet seat, not a biohazard or anything. Thankfully me and the hubby have deprecate bathrooms but either way it wouldn't annoy me. It's like you need it that way, fine. Even after I've cleaned the bathroom I put the toilet seat back up. 

Ladies, find something else to whine about.

And like I know on the days I have an 'episode' or my allergies get up I do OCD clean but most of the time it's like w/e and I like that my hubby finds it cute and loves our home being clean. He gets happy when I've been all wifey and cleaned but he never complains how much I clean or how much cleaning fluids I get through. Plus he is really good at cleaning - when I'm having a lazy day or am poorly. He gets everything done! He even mops the floor and dettols everything because he knows I love the smell. Lads so what if your women cleans obsessively, how would you feel if she don't clean at all? No clothes, dirty home, you'd be okay with that? No, you'd call her a slob. So stfu. 


Any idiot that says romance or love isn't lust or the butterflies or the slushiness or the presents - its the day to day stuff is wrong. It's all of that, the day to day detail and the slushy, crazy stuff too. It's the way you melt when they hold you. It's the feeling you get when you see them... Even if it is at four am and they look as though they have somehow dislocated their jaw and have a dead sloth on their head, with no makeup and they are fighting off the monsters that has hold of their leg in their dream. A present is a physical representation that they listen and know you. That moment when you have to kiss. That feeling you get when you wake up in their arms. The way they do your toast. The way they try new things just because of you. It's everything and when a small bits stops vein there that is when things start to fall apart and you get one side that is unhappy. When one person stops trying that's when you get a bad relationship.

Anyways, what makes your relationship strong?

Love,

Monica
            xxx

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Insomnia... Fuck.

So, guess what?!

I'm setting up my own business. I know on here I'm a complete weirdo with a mouth like a sailor but I do actually have a soft side lol. I have a very caring side or so I'm told and (when I want) the patience of an angel- according to my Maa :D but yeah (hahaha my predictive text just wrote 'twat' instead of yeah... Idk why though) I started making the little toys because well... Okay we need to go back to me when I was three - I'm about the same height, my hair is shorter, my eyes are bigger and voice is still annoying as Hell. Im very ill, I have a very bad fever and my belly hurts so basically I'm just a poorly little girl. 

It's me and my Maa at home in our tiny little flat in Plymouth. She has to get me my medicine and I'm too ill to move but she has no one to leave me with so she puts me on the sofa, snuggled me down, puts the tv on and says "Moni, I want you to stay snuggled and not move, okay? Mummy needs to go and get your medicine, I won't be long- I promise". I was really good when I was little quite mature and really obedient so I did as I was told. Maa was back before I even finished the random show I was watching but she came bearing gifts. She got me a teddy. Like a proper teddybear with those arms that can move. He's like a proper old-school teddybear. I loved it the second I saw it. Maa gave it to me and I felt better. Like literally I felt better instantly. And me being me I had to name him something simple and weird so he was named Get Well. 

Get Well has been everywhere with me. School trips, hospital, holidays, Bangladesh, he even came to Leeds with me. I literally have been everywhere with him. 

I have had a few things in my life that have always been there - Get Well, my blanket and my fairy. They go everywhere with me and have been through everything in my life with me. I don't know what I would do if any of them broke or tore or lost them. I remember once my hubby asked me what I would do if he broke my fairy on purpose and I said I would cry my eyes out and not speak to him. Or if he threw my blanket away what would I do and I said that I would again cry and not talk to him. He was like oh :/

Those things are like a piece of me. Like everyone has some things that they have had for ages and that are sentimental but the people around me don't seem to. 

I know I digress but stay with me. 

My Maa lost her dad when she was very young and nobody really cared for her properly again after that. Her mother was very depressed after her husband died and just sort of cried a lot. My Maa just grew up after that. She made sure she was ready for school, she made sure she was clean and fed. She just sort of did her own thing. When she was 16 she married as was the way in those days and she had me a few years later. Her life just sort of tumble-weeded along. But she never had anyone give her anything that she could keep apart from God - he gave her me, my brother and my sister. So when I got interested in sewing I knew I had to make her something that she would keep forever. Something she never had to give up for anyone. Something that someone gave to her for no reason, not to apologise for anything but just because. So I made her Huggles (she named it). My sister has so many toys but not one that she is really attached to so I made her one too. I made my little brother a cat because he used to have a toy cat that we got from the Eden Project but it got lost. It was called jimmy and he was so upset so I made him something similar. And the I just thought I have to make one for all those people that I love. So I did. I made them for my uncles, my husband and my friend daughter. Then I thought... Hey... I love making these. I really love the feeling that I get when I have a finished product. I love the feeling I get when I give it to the person. Like they know that it was made just for them and no one else has it and I thought I'd like to do that for other people. 

So there it was - a cute idea in my head. I talked about it as a joke or as a flitting idea. But then my husband gave me insomnia. Like I'm not even kidding I caught it. I am basically the laziest person you have ever met. I can sleep like a new born baby but my husband is like a barn freaking owl. He stays up all night and it kills me, most times I can sleep through it but sometimes it leads to me being awake for to long and then not being able to sleep full stop. So yeah I'm up.

It's 4am on the 12th of May.

I'm wide awake O_O

So, my little stupid idea comes into my head. 

I start like outlining this whole idea. I gave it some shape. I gave it a name. And by 6am I had this fully formed idea in my head.... Well apart from the financial side of things but I have my Maa who has set up and run a number of successful restaurants and takeaways and my husband who has also set up businesses and works in finance himself. Both have had legal training (my husband very much more so). Both have very strong heads on their shoulders and understand the commercial world. So I basically have my own legal and financial team :D go me! Lol. 

No, I know I am so lucky to have them. My Maa is willing to finance my very elaborate new adventure, usually I want superficial things like electronics or clothes - I'm pretty sure this is the second biggest adventure I've asked her to support me on (first being my wedding... That was my very first adventure and she never asked me once to stick to a budget - Thank you, Maa).

I'm so excited. Mocho will have it's own blog and twitter so be sure to check it out.

Anyways, it's 4:49am and I have no Internet to post this so I'm just typing it up in my notes and watching a two part series on Coco Chanel and she just said my two favourite quotes...
"To be irreplaceable you have to be different"
And
"A women wearing the wrong perfume has no future".

Truer words were never spoken.

"A good women always know what to wear and knows an outfit can change your world"... Someone once said :D

"Never aim to look sexy or beautiful, always aspire to appear elegant - then you have inadvertently achieve the first two as well". 

What is your favourite quote?

Love,

Monica
            xxx