Thursday, 27 February 2014

My Facebook out of context...

So here goes. 

Wait like now I actually like football and watch it. Oh dear. I added it to my Facebook.

Hang on because I'm a convert is it okay that I don't support my birthplaces team? Idek if Truro have one. Also is it okay to support the team my husband supports out of loyalty to him and because I actually do like them?

When someone wants to add you on Facebook and you're like "oh yeah sure! But first let me show you this thing I know you're super interested in and will for sure start a super long conversation.

Look the duvet and bed ends just over there. You can do it. You can get out of bed. 

Or you could stay here... Where it is warm, soft and cosy and you don't have to move... — feeling lame.

The extremist pro-lifers are total head-case terrorists. Going on about how “God hates you”, who are you to tell God who to hate? I'm vaguely certain that God would be more angry with you if you bought this child into the world and caused it pain and sadness, maybe even in the future a domino effect of anguish and hurt. Protesting outside of abortion clinics, threatening to harm those wishing to have an abortion or those who perform abortions and holding those mortifying pictures. You have a child because you wanted a child, you want that (for example) teenaged rape victims child to live so much, how about you raise it? You think that scarring this poor girl is making her decision any easier? Step the fuck down and go raise the child/children you have with all the passion and time you are using up on worrying about someone else's child because at the end of the day you have no say in another's life. 

What I want to know is who the fuck takes those pictures? I mean which sick, twisted son-of-a-bitch is okay with taking pictures of disembowelled foetus'. The worst bit is they actual handle the foetus' to put the tiny body parts of this child on a coin or their finger as if that makes their point any more clear - it doesn't, it just makes you a sicker individual. 

Choice is the right way as long as there is information and support, you have many options, choose the one that is right for you.

So then these post are from my hubby to me:

Monica just made really yummy homemade pizza but i accidentally sat on it and dragged it from my butt to the floor... She isn't too keen on butt pizza

Monica just said "my boobs hurt put your face in them" we have a funny marriage lol!!!

Would you still love me if I was smelling butt weed or drove a skoda?

Ummm...

Then he said:
Nothing worse than butt weed, man.
Anyways...
When my hubby elbows my boobs, it kills and I want to cry then poke him in the eye... or knee him.

My hubby: My dandruff is really healthy

Is it me or does Lee Ryan have a giant fiery dick tattooed on his back?

Me: Hey, wanna see Justin Bieber smoking a cigar and looking like a dick?

My hubby: Yes, I wanna see Justin Bieber looking like he is smoking a dick.

Me: What is it with you and dick?

My hubby posted this
Monica just said: Stand up when I walk in the room and hold the chair out for me... Not the type... I don't shaaaaaaave!!!

Casually watching Jonathan Ross and Hubby turns to me and says

“When I'm fifty I want to plank Dermot O'Leary”.

Creeping on the hubby while he lifts weights.

Me watching The Taste on TV and then there is an Asian chick called Claire.

Me: Why had she got a white chick name? (I know, I know one to talk) unless her name is claradeep or some shit
Rajib : What? Claradick?
Me: why is everything about dick with you?
Rajib: I don't know, I can't help it.

Okay...


1950s housewives were so perfect minus the emotional oppression and beating obviously.

- Your Husband is #1
- Look perfect
- Be house proud 
- Be socially adept 
- Plan like a meticulous bitch

My hubby: I'm so not looking forward to this drive!!! 

Me: do you want to buy some drugs???

My hubby: huh??? What???


So I think that's enough of that... Lol. I hope these don't seem weirder out of context... They're pretty odd in context tbh. 


Aaaaaaanyways,

Love,

Monica
             xxx

My Summer Bucket List 2014

So I'm kinda obsessed in Tumblr I don't have it but like I just type Tumblr in after what ever I've googled. And I came across Summer bucket lists some where stupid like 'get fucked up and wake up somewhere I don't recognise' and 'hook up with two people in one night' it like have the only thing you are gunna take away from that is Chlamydia not an amazing memory you want to share or keep forever. I mean you can't got to your mum and be like "hey so I fucked one guy in the toilets of this one club and the got finger banged in another by some other dude" it doesn't quite have the same feeling as maybe like going on a picnic with your mates or a family BBQ, you know?

Now I've  never really done a bucket list so it took me a little while but here is mine:

- Get our own place 🏑
- Go to the beach and do all beach things X
- Eat toasted marshmallows from a proper fire πŸ”₯
- Chessington day with Maa & the kids😬
- Go fruit picking πŸ“
- Have the kids over in the 6 week holidays
- Kiss while watching the sun set X
- Carve our names into a tree🌳
- Go to a summer fair🎈
- Skim rocks on water X
- Have a water fightπŸ’¦
- Midnight walks X
- Make Sprite and Gummy Bear ice lollies as well as loads of others
- Have a picnic🍞
- Send a message is a bottleπŸ“œ
- Go to an Aquarium 🐠
-  Fly a kite πŸ’¨
- Buy a crystal necklace for my sister
- Go zip lining
- Go swimming 🏊
- Get into box sets πŸ“€
- Skinny dipping 
- Have or go to a BBQ πŸ”
- Jump from someplace high into water
- Have long weekend away πŸ’Ό
- Drink loads of Slush puppies
- Learn to do cartwheels
- Go on a bike ride 🚴
- Bake loads of different Cookies πŸͺ
- Bury a time capsule with random stuff into to mess with future people
- Make fudge and truffles
- Go rollerblading with the kids
- Make my special limeade
- Feed ducks 🍞
- Build a fort to sleep the night in
- Make a trifle
- Surprise Maa with a surprise πŸ˜‰
- Get a kitten🐱
- Random Road trip πŸš—
- Catch the first train we see and just go with it πŸš„
- Learn Arabic properly
- Pray at least on a Friday πŸ™
- Eat ice cream from an ice cream truck 🍦
- Go bowling X
- Watch home team play football ⚽️
- Outdoor movie night with caramel popcorn πŸŽ₯
- Sunday family roasts πŸ—
- Blow glow-in-the-dark bubbles 
- Make galaxy t-shirts 🌌
- Summer Playlist X
- New family portraits πŸ“·
- Beach with the girls πŸ™‹πŸ’πŸ™†
- Me and Maa day
- The Kids and Us day

My hubby added some awesome ones:

- Track day in badass car(s)
- Jet sking 
- Do London!!! 
- Go to standup show 
- Go to live gig 
- Spend a chill out day in quays X
- High five a pixie 
- Have breakfast, lunch and dinner at Nandos
- Fist pump a pensioner 
- Give you a total spoil day (inside) 
- Go movies and not pay of any of the films 
- Do the collage wall 
- Happy slap a chav 
- Give an emo laughing gas 
- Pretend to posh for the whole day including accent yaaaaaaar

I've had to omit a few dude to their nature ;D
I think our summer is going to be pretty eventful. Lol. I know it's like super early but I just can't wait for the summer this year usually u don't mind I actually really like the rain and cold but it makes my hubby basically miserable so it's just better if he is happy lol.

What's on your summer bucketlist?

Love,

Monica
             xxx

I'm back bitches

So lets get past the giant thing that has recently happened and is the reason I haven't blogged. 

I moved. 

With the help of Jenni Benni, my uncle and Maa we moved down south! It was an utter nightmare, no don't think I've ever cried so much - apart from when I found out my Dhada had passed away and when my Maa was really ill and all the other horrible, sad things that have happened. I'm sad now. So yeah basically I cried a lot for about three days. Now we are here I'm happy. I get to see my mates who I haven't been able to see in like forever. I'm much closer to my Maa, I've got 2 housemates and a dog. I literally have people coming out of everywhere. I love it. My hubby is finding it hard to adjust to the friendliness around here, tbh I can be slightly overbearing at times but otherwise he is finding the south a very relaxing and peaceful experience. The only thing that's us wrong is that it had been P I S S I N G it down with rain for like a week solid. It was so bad the rain and being wet was kinda suckish. ONG don't tell anyone but I just spent too long listening to Millionaires and BOTDF... Gosh. But it's okay now I'm listening to 3OH!3 and PATD. YAAAAY!!!

But yeah basically that's what has been going on. New place, new home, new routine, new job. It's been hectic. Just too much going on. Ugh. It's all good though. 

Okay so I was thinking I so need to do a new my top ten so yeah... Here they are!

1) Water bottles
Oh god. At one point I drinking so much water I was slightly scared that I was going to start washing away minerals! I've since figured out how much to drink and keep refilling my water bottle up. 

2) Baby Yoghurts 
I don't care if they aren't for big people I want them and I'm going to bloody well eat them because they are so much nicer than normal yoghurt. They make me happy and a better person. 

3) Dried Fruit 
So I have like this dried fruit trail mix that I made with all my favourite dried fruit and nuts so it's got cranberries, dried banana, dates, cashew nuts, chocolate covered peanuts and sunflower seeds. It tastes great and lasts for ages. It's an awesome and healthy alternative to a packet of crisps plus with summer coming up its a bonus! Who doesn't want a super hot bikini bod?

4) Simple Kind To Skin Pore Minimising Cleansing Toner
So my Maa has been on my ass for months trying to get me to use cleansers and toners and shit like that but I'm not good with changing my skin regime of soap and lotion but omg this stuff is like my holy grail I love it. My pores are tighter than Miley Cyrus' PVC pants and clearer than her fathers disappointment! It's super soft and so clean. I just use a flannel to scrub it into my face and then I just use it like lotion just before I put makeup on. It's a dream. Super easy to use and super effective!

5) Lemon and Honey tea
Okay so maybe it's not really a tea but I got this from my housemate, she drinks hot water with lemon in and she swears it's good for your skin and digestion so I gave it a go as recently I've been getting stress related belly aches but because I have a major sweet tooth I added a little honey. I love it and it totally quenched my tea craving even though it's bit tea. I used to be able to drink like 6 cups of tea a day - two tea bags (naughty), two sugars and loads of milk. When I was a much younger whipper snapper I could drink 12 cups of coffee in a day and they were like toxic fucking waste- two heaped teaspoons of coffee, three heaped spoons of sugar and no milk. Try drinking that without throwing up, but I loved it. 

6) Naps
I'm lucky that when I'm sleepy I can take a nap but I totally do recommend a little cat nap every few days when you get time. The little boost is better than a can of energy drink and popping a caffeine tablet believe me 

7) Sandwiches
Okay so I spent most of my life only ever eating maybe three types of sandwiches: Prawn Mayonnaise, Tuna and Cucumber and Ploughmans. But now I make sandwiches at home for the hubby and there are so many I come up with. Like this week he's had a chickpea salad wrap, cheese and beans toastie, sausage toastie and fried mushroom with garlic and herb soft cheese. It's great! You can make them as healthy or unhealthy as you want and you don't get entire areas with nothing but bread which totally sucks and makes me sad - I'm looking at you Tesco. But yeah it costs way less - for the price of a weeks worth of £3 meal deals you can pretty much buy a weeks worth of whole packed lunch and it's yummier. Ditch your lunch run and instead whilst watching your favourite show the night before make yourself a packed lunch. It feels good to eat something you've made even if it's just a cheese sandwich.

8) Planning meals
OMG I'm such a fucking loser when it comes to planning it's like I just cannot stick to what I've said. It winds me up and often leaves me in the lurch about what to make so instead of a yummy well thought out and hand prepared meal I end up making chips and fish fingers, which don't get me wrong is really yummy but I make a really nice baked mackerel and munchkin chips dish so you know. Now if got a set out menu that I'm cooking from it takes out all the guesswork and leave me to make yummy things. Some days are just chips and fish finger but other days are medames and chickpea salad with soft yummy chapatti so its balanced and I like it that way. It means the hubby's heart is being looked after and his belly is too.

9) This Fluffy Chicken

I don't own this chicken or this picture or anything I just really love how fluffy it is. Look it has no legs. Just fluff. 

F L U F F Y.

10) Making Confectionary
I LOVE CHOCOLATE as we all know I'm obsessed in chocolate and basically anything sweet. So recently I found out you can actually make pretty much all of it at home with the right utensils and a serious amount of time. So I want to make truffles and fudge so far and I'm going to tell you how it when!

So I get this my top ten was a little different but it because  of the way my life is atm. I'm changing more about myself and my lifestyle that sounds so dorky. Ugh. Anyways I'm back now and expect blogs bitches

Love,

Monica
             xxx


Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Weird pictures I've found in my phone

So lets kick this off with me looking like a pedo:


Next walking through town and we stop at traffic lights and what do we see?
THIS!!!

Okay so I can't take responsibility for this one my Maa actually sent this to me


I googled my name and meme an this it what came up! I love it. 

Yeah don't ask why I was googling such things. ..

If you rad Gabriella Ellis' bit it says she believes in miracles. Love wiki. 

Walking back from lunch with the hubby and I see this!! I laughed all the way home. 


I made like 15 of these for date night last year! How cool does it look?


Okay so my little brother had to write some homework and I was helping him and he writes what to me looks like 'bitch' apparently it's 'birth'.  There is another one that looks like he's written 'porn' but it actually says 'Peru'.


This is actually a sign in Leeds, I genuinely kid you not.


My hubby asked me if I was excited about my birthday so I sent him this!!


Walked into an Asian store and saw this!!! I was like we have to get thiiis!!! My hubby wasn't for it :(


And then a couple of weeks later we go shopping again and we see this!! Lol!


So that was the collection if weird things/pictures I have found on my phone. I also have a screen shot of the PI and the circumference of the earth. Idk why. 

Anyways, I'm proper sorry about the who not posting business! I'm moving, you see! Big things, people, big things!

Love,
Monica
            xxx