Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Ummm... I'm not even sure...

So like the past few weeks have been really random and I've been super busy so I've not really been blogging or facebooking but like there are a few and they are as odd as usual so here they are!


So I'm pretty sure Jay-Z is never bored of Beyonce... No wonder she looks like shes been dipped in lube.

Meet me on the 6th floor
I know you ain't a model

You should let me take some pics doe


Reasons why my hubby loves me: I can eat a foot-long Subway.


I literally cannot wait for my date with Jenn-i tomorrow. Date. Potato. Hahaha.

 Amy Adams and Ilsa Fisher ARE just the same damn person, okay? Deal with it.
 I can never get it right who is who.


So I email the hubby at work and his server gives me an auto replay and I'm looking at my phone like "Do you know who I am server?? Do you? I'm not a client or a candidate! I am his wife! Do not auto reply me!! I'm a bit too annoyed about this. 


"OMG. "She has links in Cuba. She is down with the Cubans". Hahahaha.



OMG OMG OMG!!!!! It's your birthday. OMG. Like seriously though! You came into this world many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many (etc.), years ago and now look at you. You're an amazing mother and person, I'm not just saying that - you're a weirdo but you're amazing. I hope this year keeps teaching you things and never gets boring. I love you so much, Maa. I can't wait to see you!!!!! I hope you get your little day of peace. Remember
, no smiling and surgery of the cosmetic kind is an advance in medical history, they are your friends ;D hahahaha!!! But seriously... I'm lucky to have you, Maa.  

So Mila Kunis is the new face of Jim Bean bourbon, now that is an advertising campaign. Seriously one of the hottest girls of the century drinking a man's drink. It's just perfect. It's like a white shirt on a naked female form or a topless women making a big, greasy fry-up.

So this guy has been outside in the cold for about an hour now with this thing that looks and sounds like a sander but I guess it's for cleaning. Just wash your car, mate. Believe me it's quicker.

Happy birthday my hubby! Thirty. The big 3-0. Goddammit you are so old. Like really old, man. Are you gunna go through your mid life-crisis now? You know highlights in your hair, tight clothing, cars, turning up in places where you're too old to be and everyone is like at least 10 years younger than you, omg you already have the young, hot home wrecker with a face like siren and a perfect bikini body covered! Hahaha, of that statement the actual facts are that I do most definitely do have a face and also do have body like limbs and stuff, they are true. With that age comes a lot of things apart from like grey hair (of which you have none and I have many), weight gain and wrinkles... Those years came with a lot of emotions, decisions and growing up, and it is all written in every action and reaction you make and over this past year; you've changed so much - in so many ways and I am really proud to be a part of the making of that person. You make me smile and cry. You make me angry and feel so safe. You've helped me understand so many things and helped me grow in so many ways. I love you with all my heart because of everything you are and everything you're not. You're an amazing person (when you want to be hahaha j/k) and you've made me realise, albeit slowly, that I'm not too bad myself. I love you with everything, forever and ever and ever, times infinity, plus infinity, to the power of infinity... Infinity, infinity and everything fullstop. Reh.Thirty. The big 3-0. Goddammit you are so old. Like really old, man. Are you gunna go through your mid life-crisis now? You know highlights in your hair, tight clothing, cars, turning up in places where you're too old to be and everyone is like at least 10 years younger than you, omg you already have the young, hot home wrecker with a face like siren and a perfect bikini body covered! Hahaha, of that statement the actual facts are that I do most definitely do have a face and also do have body like limbs and stuff, they are true. With that age comes a lot of things apart from like grey hair (of which you have none and I have many), weight gain and wrinkles... Those years came with a lot of emotions, decisions and growing up, and it is all written in every action and reaction you make and over this past year; you've changed so much - in so many ways and I am really proud to be a part of the making of that person. You make me smile and cry. You make me angry and feel so safe. You've helped me understand so many things and helped me grow in so many ways. I love you with all my heart because of everything you are and everything you're not. You're an amazing person (when you want to be hahaha j/k) and you've made me realise, albeit slowly, that I'm not too bad myself. I love you with everything, forever and ever and ever, times infinity, plus infinity, to the power of infinity... Infinity, infinity and everything fullstop. Reh.


My nose itches. My eyes itch. My eyebrows itch. My lips itch. My ears itch.My head itches. My hands itch. My feet itch. Everything everywhere itches. If anyone loves me knock me into October.


I think I'm going to high-five myself in face with a chair.


So my voice has gotten really deep lately, so hubby tells me I sound like Frank Bruno. To which I respond "and you find that attractive! What does that say about you?!". My husband who I know to be straight looks at me and says "I like black men". Ummmm...


So omg hubby just ruined and then resurrected Mark Walberg's coolness.


Even before 7am I've told four people that I love them. I love to love people that I love and that love me too. Lol.


Cooking nice things takes a long time. At least I have Barbie Fairytopia: Mermaidia.


OMG so Chris Lilley looks like Elliot Smith.


Not gunna lie Luisa Zissman does have a great rack.


So I drop off lunch (instead of meeting up with the hubby, cuz I bailed on him) and his colleague Joey says all the boys are jealous of his lunch, smiled all the way home.


Look stuff that needs doing. Eyes... W-what are you doing? Eyes? Why are you closing?! Eyes! Stop! S-stop... Sto... Mmmmm... *dribble and snore*


Anyways...

Love,

Monica


         xxx 

Monday, 24 March 2014

To all the dumbfucks that take drugs...

So on Facebook today I am scrolling down and I come across this article about drugs and alcohol so I'm like "let's have a read"... Turns out it's not an article instead it's a poll on what is more popular in the world of narcotics. They are putting different narcotics up against each other like it's some sort of fucking gladiator battle. I was furious. And then I started reading the comments "quaaludes aren't fun, ketamin isn't either", "who choose shrooms over opium?". Some absolute moron said something to the effect of "I choose sizzurp on honour of DJ some-fuck-or-other", in honour? In fucking honour?! Are you for real?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Were you dropped on the head repeatedly as a child? Or did someone just knock seven shades of brain cells out of you? Drugs are not fun, it's not all unicorns and "oooh", it's usually mortifying come downs and bad trips. If you idea of a good time is being dehydrated, sweating, getting really antsy and thinking everyone is out to get you or ending up in hospital with a chance that you may die cuz they have no fucking idea what the fuck you have taken or how much then you really need to fucking reevaluate you perception of 'fun'. Dickhead.

To anybody who participates in the use of illegal drugs and/or legal highs: you are a dick. Plain and simple. In the same way everyone knows all operations no matter how minor pose a risk, we all know if you take drugs there is a chance you could die. You don't know what this little pill is cut with - other drugs, borax, baby powder, laxative or just even flour. You don't know what the safe amount is to take with your body, or if how much you've had to drink affects it or how your body will react. What you think is one pill could only be 20% drug in one case and 70% in another.

As far as I'm concerned if you take drugs, you totally deserve what comes next. If you think popping pills is in no way detrimental to your health and will have no consequences because you're young and invincible then when or if you end up in a coma or worse you have no one but yourself to blame. We all know drugs are bad and they are illegal. We all know they carry a risk and that they aren't regulated or safe. I know this, you know this, every idiot on the face of the fucking plant knows this but still we had 1,496 legal and illegal drug related deaths in 2012, 73 per cent (1,087 out of 1,496) of said deaths were from accidental poisoning. That's 1,496 people who has futures, families and friends. All because they thought it would be fun, well it's all fun and games until you go and die, isn't it? If you wouldn't trust a dealer with your life, then why are trusting this little thing he's selling to you?

You're not going to live forever. You're not invincible. You're not indestructible. Your life is in no way going to be enhanced by take drugs. You are not benefitting anyone by participating in the use of drugs. You are in no way doing anything good. You're basically just saying "fuck you" to everyone you love and that loves you. Good for you, asshole. I've seen what happens with drugs - the effects and how much they can really mess you up. It's not fun. People get hurt. You think your mum wants to see you passed the fuck out on the floor, sick all down your jeans or dress and no recollection of the night before? No. You think your girlfriend or boyfriend wants to see you looking like the whole of Hell gang-fucked you? No. No one wants to see you like that. 

If I can give you any advice and God knows I am the last person to be giving advice but here it is:


Innocence only lasts a while, don't squander it. Being an adult is not about doing everything in the world - it's actually about doing the right thing. Believe me, a day will come where you won't want to go out with your mates simply because that means getting dressed, you won't want to get hammered at the weekend because that means you can't function until like the following friday and being with someone you love - just being with them, not even doing anything, just breathing next to them will be bliss. You don't believe me now but one day you will. 


Next time some son of a bitch offers you something - don't take it. Don't do it. You don't have to say no if you feel you can't just don't consume it.


Like don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you have to like go all high and mighty, smack the fucker in the face with a good back hand and declare "sir I challenge you to a duel", just sort of shrug it off.



Ugh sorry, it just really irks me, you know? Irk lol thats a funny word. Irk. Ahem sorry.


So yeah... Omg readjusting to Exeter was so easy. I love it! Me and my hubby are so chill here - it is so good. I get to see my mates like every week. OMG so I'm pretty sure the Costa we go to is going to start kicking us out for the shit I talk about, we get like other customers looking at us funny because we are falling over ourselves laughing. I'm like addicted to ice and coke atm but only from SUBWAY, idk why :/  OMG my husbands birthday was at the beginning of this month! It was soooooooo cute like I made him a giant cookie because he is allergic to egg so I can't bake  him a cake. I made him bunting instead of like buying those happy birthday banners and I cover the room in little happy birthday confetti and balloons too. It was super chill and cute although in the evening we did go out to a cute little Thai place down by the cathedral.


Omg I'm listening to so much music atm it's mental but I thought it would be cool to make like a playlist of music for you lot to listen to, it's only a few tracks but it keeps me occupied.


http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8jScWCb9Trc14Dpmufew6jA2LcdGQ7z-


What song are you totally rinsing atm?


Anyways,


Love,


Monica

          xxx