Wednesday, 30 April 2014

13 more things about women that fuck me off.

So I came across a few articles on my morning stroll through the Internet and I was like "the fuck? I hate that" and as such I have taken it upon myself to have a rant about it.


1) Fat-free food

I don't want fat free anything. I want food and I want it to be as calorie filled as fuck. I don't watch my weight, I  won't watch my weight and I like to eat. I don't understand this notion that food should be fat free, how about just eat right. Like don't get me wrong I understand losing weight is hard and things like this help but it's not just about fat-free coke and a low-fat ice cream, there is the way you look at food and I don't mean tilting your head, I mean like your relationship with food - I have mentioned I, in the past had a exceptionally bad relationship with food, but now I enjoy it and do genuinely like eating and preparing food. Eating a trifle with or with out fat is still not healthy if you are eating a whole fucking one. You need to think about portions and exercise, you need to think about your metabolism and the way your body uses food. Treats now and then are great and having a high metabolism, like I do doesn't excuse me eating crappy food- not to say I don't but I counter it with good food to. I try to make sure I get as much fruit and veg into my diet as possible, lots of home cooked foods with good ingredients and such, but I also make sure I walk daily and stretch, pelvic floor exercises and such. You can't just want to be healthy and not put in any work. You eat crap and then take a few vitamins and watch the workout channel for 15 minutes and then decide that it's for advanced level yoga fanatics - it's not really the right way of doing it. Little changes help.

2) Compliments
Women apparently love them and I'm just here like "NO. No, no, no, no. Just no". I HATE COMPLIMENTS. They make me come out in like hives and I become all weird. I don't know how to deal with them and I don't like them. I always say something stupid or pull a face to divert it. Like when my husband says something nice I'm like "fish swim in their own poop, that's kinda gross" or something along those lines. If my mates or something do it then I'll just change the subject or try and say something nice back. I don't like being told I'm pretty or a feature of mine is desirable, being told I'm smart makes me forget everything I've ever been taught. Ever. I just can't deal with it, ugh. Okay I need to take an anti-histamine now. Brb.

3) Flowers
Here is my problem with flowers and I know it comes from my Maa but still I just don't like them: They die. It's like "omg I love you so much here is something that tells you that I love you... and it's going to die". Get me food instead, like if my hubby came home with a box of Crispy Kreme I'd be like "wait a second while I go freshen up...". And like Mothers' Day "oh hi mum! You know how much you look after me and did so all these years, well here is something else to look after!". No, dickhead, like literally even if you can't be asked to cook - take her out. Wanna stay home but have the culinary skills of molten lava - go to M&S and get those meals that you have to just heat up and plate up. Make her a fucking card, tidy the house - do anything one thing that makes her day just that little bit easy.

4) Surprises
I cannot deal with surprises - they freak me out. I don't know what is coming and I am so fucking nosey when it comes to me, like I have to know. It's so bad. Surprise gifts are like the hardest thing for me, this is why my husband rarely chooses something of his own accord, he tends to remember things I have squeaked at. If I like something I squeak - it's involuntary. Don't judge my one weird girly thing. He will remember said reaction and object and randomly buy it so he knows I will like it. But even when he buys it he will sort of give it to me when he isn't there. So one instant he went on a shopping spree and then left them outside the door and ran away and call me to see if I liked them - granted that's weird as fuck but it works.

5) Take me along on nights out
Please don't. I don't know your friends. They are really nice and stuff but I just don't fair well with new people - the part of my brain that is meant to make sure I am acting in a way that is socially acceptable or just normal goes on fucking sabbatical and I'm left on my own. I get weird and weird stuff start coming out of my mouth and I can't help it. It's bad. Once I told one of my hubby's friends that his accent made my ears sad... I'm not even kidding. I told my hubby's brand new boss the first time I met him that he had scary eyes. It happens I can't help it. I can't filter and there fore do not take any responsibility for the offence that may be taken upon me opening my stupid mouth. I freak out in the weirdest way.

6) Shopping
I'm not good at shopping. Like I like something and that about it, it's not that I don't want to spend money it's just idk shopping makes me uncomfortable, I'm okay when I'm with my Maa, but otherwise I just wander. I don't like trying clothes on or carrying them or just I don't like shopping. My hubby tends to buy my clothes - he is more interested in me looking nice and done up then I am tbh. He chose and purchased nearly all of my shoes and that's a lot of shoes. He is really cool like that, he knows I will probably get something comfy that I can wear at home as oppose to anything nice that I can wear out. I am proper lame when it comes to things like that - accessories, nail polish, clothes, shoes - I love it all and stuff and up to date with trends and love trying new things but I just can't be bothered. He chooses great colours and clothes always suit me really well but I'm just so lazy tbh. I can't do like girly shopping trips and shit like that. Just no. Stop. If I know I need something like sock or a new t-shirt or jeans or something then I can go get exactly that but yeah that's really the extent of my shopping habits. I don't find solace in shopping, unless it's a book - my hubby got me like £100 worth of books the day we got islamically married as a wedding present, 10 minutes was all it took for me to blow the lot - I would have gotten more but my sister was hungry.

7) Home made special dinners
My hubby isn't domesticated, he can't cook but he tries bless him. There are days where I say "it's your turn to sort out food today" and he will make it his mission to come up with something, so pasta or chips and fish fingers or even a take away and I appreciate that so much but ladies that want complex amazing meals need to quit it - go out to dinner if you want that. It's not what is being made that is important you twat - it's the fact that he has taken the thought to do it and/or that you get a little rest. Those few times they help out, they remember and store for the rest of their lives. Cut some slack and chill out. Honestly women can be so picky sometimes.

8) Want men to be mind readers
Okay maybe I phrased that wrong, guys miss even the most obvious of signals, so don't give signals. You're in a bad mood, say "ugh I'm in a bad mood, this happened..." simple, easy, effective. Don't wait for him to be confused and ask, just be open. Talk about your respective days at the end when you see one another. You may be upset, it may even be his fucking fault unless you tell him he isn't going to know. Stop being a bitch and just speak up. Men are not as intuitive or as empathetic as we females claim to be so just bypass the argument and be happy. It's not hard honestly.

9) Girly nights out
I do not in any shape way or form understand these events. Like seriously, meeting up at one of the girls homes and getting ready all together and drinking a little, then stepping out all done up and going from club to club. Maybe it's because I don't drink it doesn't appeal to me, but I hate crowds and dark dingy places, clubs are my nightmare - I'm not that big of a personality,  but I'm even more quite and relatively nervous around people I don't know. The only person I can stay out really late with is my husband, like we have all nighters that end in us coming home at 4am with a kebab, a baby traffic cone and a flashing security light after having explored random apartment blocks around our area and making out by the river but we were completely sober, neither of us drink - it's not just a religious thing, like don't get me wrong that is a massive influence but like even if I wasn't Muslim I'm 100% sure that I wouldn't drink - The concept of losing any control of my own body and thoughts and no one drinks alcohol because it tastes nice, it appears to be an acquired taste.

10) I'm melting
When it starts raining every chick is like "OMG MY HAIR?!". Seriously ugh gag me with a motherfucking ladle, I don't understand it - it's just rain. Your hair isn't made of some sort of water soluble material, so your hairstyle won't be as perfect love tbh the amount of hair products in your hair is dangerous the water is doing your poor soon to be bald head a fucking favour. 

11) High heels
I love heels, I have heels ranging from 4-6 inch and I will wear them accordingly depending on how much I will be walking, normal day to day is a 5 inch heel. Bad back day - 4 inch heel. Mainly going to be standing in one place? 6 inch, simple. Flats only when my spine plays up. Heels alter your posture and give you confidence, but if your walking like a fucking baby giraffe that shit is not sexy. It's weird as fuck and ladies, heels hurt - get some fucking gel pads, wear lower heels, fucking wear flats - just stop complaining about what you do for fashion. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU. 

12) Checking out guys
I don't mean like single girls - you ladies can perv the fuck out of whoever you please (bar taken men), I mean married/engaged/spoken for in some way girls - why is it okay for you to perv, the whole "look but don't touch", "it's a harmless bit of flirting". NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.  Just no. You are taken -fucking act like it, you hussy. Then I hear someone say "oh but it's okay when men do it" - no it fucking isn't, I judge those wankers too. You're taken you have at home a perfectly good ass and rack to perv on and do way more to, go home and enjoy that. It is never okay to perv or flirt when you are in a relationship.

13) Men's habits in general
Things like leaving the toilet seat up, burping, remote hogging/channel hopping really annoy women... why? Idk. He needs the toilet seat up because doesn't trust his knob to get it in the toilet without it getting on the seat, would you rather you sat in his piss? No, so stfu. You need it down, put it down. Burps and bodily functions - you do them to but in a more private way, he is comfortable with himself and around you, surely that is a good thing. TV is just TV, me and my hubby tend to want to watch the same thing - I've learnt to like watching football and MOTD, I actually enjoy it; my husband on the other hand has found ways to combat boredom while I am watching some random show - he plays on his phone, eats stuff and generally occupies himself. It's a two way thing - if two shows are on and I want to watch one and he wants to watch another we just plus one of them.

I totally grant that not everyone does these things, I'm just generalising.

Love,

Monica
          xxx

Thursday, 10 April 2014

20, Housewife and fuck you.

Why is it I always find myself defending my choice to be a stay at home wife when I have no kids?

Like don't get me wrong I have and will pass judgement on women who work when they have kids - like I don't mean the ones who don't want to work but have to work just to put food on the table and make ends meet, those women I respect so much - you are the reason why many generations are stilll alive, I think your work ethic and power to push yourself is phenomenal; I am talking about the ones that have a husband that works, so enough income to cover costs of the child and have the luxury of being able to quit their job but don't, the ones that choose their careers over the child they have given birth to. Or the ones who know they aren't going to really/don't want to be a mother to this child and still have it - like if you know after you have this baby you don't want to be at home looking after it, you want to be at work with a nanny to care for you child- then don't have it. But that's the case with kids, you know they need looking after.

But as soon as you don't have kids it's seen as some sort of waste of life.

People assume you're stupid and you're a gold digger. I get comments like "you must get your nails done all the time" and "what do you do all day?" or my favourite one "don't you get bored with so much time on your hands, why don't you go back to education?". How about no?

Like don't think I was stupid or bad at school. I was an amazing student. I achieved pretty good grades, a few A's here and there; I could have carried on with education - all my teachers wanted me to, my family would have been thrilled but I got to a point whee I couldn't be bothered to prove myself any more. I had been doing it since I was three, it no longer appealed to me. I didn't need a bit of paper after three years of my life to make me happy.  If that's what you want in life and that's what makes you happy, then go you! But that's not me. I know I'm talented not because of some sense of self importance but because at my college interview I presented a few of my own pieces of writing and both interviewers said it was reminiscent of William Blake, I was 16 at the time I had written most of it and I had never been taught to write in the way I did, at the time I blushed (as much as brown skinned people can) and just sort of shrugged it off. It's taken me years but I now know I am a talented writer. Don't get me wrong my blog is just for fun and the way I write here is just the I would when speaking to a friend but my serious writing is pretty awesome but I feel no need to become published or pursue it. It makes me happy to write so I do.

Please don't think I'm against women working or learning because I'm not, I just think everyone needs to take a step back and look at what makes them happy. I know it's a bit hippy but it's true. It's one thing I make all my friends do. You're on the go 24/7, if you're not at college, you are working, when you aren't working you are studying and completing assignments and when you're not doing any of those you're sleeping and eating to find the energy to do them, I'm proud of them for how they handle themselves and work through it all but every now and again I tell them to slow down and have a day of nothing. I am lucky that I get to really look after myself and invest a lot of time in everything I do.

I can take time out for myself and do have a lot of time on my hands but it doesn't mean I'm not doing anything all day. To cook a meal from scratch can take up to two hours - especially bengali cooking and I make nearly all my husbands meals from scratch. Keeping our living quarters clean and tidy to the standard of my OCD and to keep his allergies down, takes a little while too. I have clothes to wash, cleaning to do, food to cook, I go grocery shopping, I plan meals,. I make/take lunch to my husband at his office everyday, I have only ever missed maybe a week or two all added up. I manage to fit in social media, my family and all my friend, even Paco, my housemates dog gets time from me. My working day is a 17 hour shift and sometimes I can do 4 nights a week. I don't get holidays, I don't get sick days, I don't get annual leave, no bonus', no perks, no benefits. When I've argued with my boss there is no way of dealing with it in a professional manner. When I've had a bad day - I have to try and push it aside and be a good wife because I am the sole carer of another human being - his everything is based on my actions.  What I put in is what I get. On the plus side- it's not all doom and gloom the pay is great, I'm sleeping with my boss (which is also g-r-e-a-t), my job is fulfilling and satisfying and I get to do everything my way. It's hard but it's worth it. Every night when I get into bed and look at my husband I know he feels loved and cared for and I know I'm doing my job right. Little things like fresh sheets, clean towels, laundered clothes, clean floors and cook meals last for a few hours, sometimes just a few minutes and always need to be done again, they all seem like really small things but a lot of planning goes into them.

I enjoy my life. I am able to care for my home and husband the way I want to. If I was to study I would never have the time to do all the house hold chores, cook or even give him attention and that would be a great strain on our relationship considering we both crave each other attention like heroine addicts crave shooting up. If I was to work I would barely see him and that would break my heart. This notion that a stay at home wife is some how backwards and non-feminist and all very 1950s is absolute bollocks. There is nothing backwards about choice - I choose to stay at home. If I wanted to study or work my husband would never stop me, he would support my decision and find a way to work with it. I am not a little wife that has no say in the marriage and shimmies along to where ever my husband says - we have an open and equal relationship, he doesn't resent me for staying home while he is out working, he doesn't think his job is more important than mine. If your definition of being a feminist is neglecting my husband and my home, then fuck you and your version of feminism. I work my ass off, if I was to get have a cleaner to clean to my standards, enlist a cook breakfast, lunch, dinner and tea (yes, my husband and I eat four times a day) also including snacks, hire a therapist to be on call 24/7, pay for a car to pickup/deliver my husbands lunch, procure a gym instructor to make sure he is exercising right, obtain a nutritionist to make sure he is eating right, employ a PA to organise his diary and where he needs to be and what he needs to be doing and rent a prostitute for all of his other needs, believe me it would cost a fuck load more than the average woman's salary.

Do yourself a fucking favour and just do what makes you happy and stop thinking you are allowed to speculate on what other do to make them happy?

Lots of Love,

Monica
         xxx

Monday, 7 April 2014

Peaches Geldof

Although I've never met Peaches Geldof, I'm truly saddened by this loss of life. I remember Peaches as a dark haired, stern faced teenager with this rebellious cool to her.  All her crazy partying and fantastical anecdotal antics were splashes across every major tabloid publication throughout her "wild child" years, she and her fellow scenesters were always good tabloid fodder but the thing is she was also an incredibly bright, intelligent, intuitive girl, aged just 14 she was writing columns for major publications and months before her death she was promoting attachment parenting, something she clearly felt strongly on and wanted to educate others about- she believed it was returning to out natural maternal instinct. She very was socially aware and very involved in the world, something that her father has always been passionate about; she wasn't just a fashion icon and party girl.

The stories and fact surrounding Peaches Geldof's life and death are wonderful and tragic all at the same time. Daughter of the late Paula Yates and Bob Geldof, she was always destined for fame and turmoil, Peaches had her fair share of scandal and controversy from escalating drug abuse/ addiction rumours and severe weight loss to her nudes being leaked on to the internment and her posting the names of the ex-Lost Prophets lead singer Ian Watkins' female accomplices, she was regularly either in hot water or being talked about. Her mother and her self shared this affinity for fame and all that comes with it. It seemed to all, after finding her little family she had settled down and found herself, shedding the girlish, rebellious and outrageous party girl ways she had lived by. Her untimely death mirrors her mothers in that they were both mothers with small children, which only makes it even more sad. Her last twitter post was a picture of herself and her late mother, Geldof appeared to have really enjoyed sharing via social media, the young mother was posting mainly videos and pictures of her children to her Instagram and Twitter which has garnered 190k followers. Speaking on the subject of she mothers death Geldof recalls "I didn't start grieving for my mother properly until I was maybe 16" 5 years after the actual event. 

Peaches leaves behind two beautiful boys and husband. I can't imagine how he feels right now- his wonderful wife is now gone, that void can never be filled and he has these two little fragile creatures to raise and cherish all alone. May he be granted strength and all the love in the world so as to help him carry on. 

Her father and sisters all are torn and heartbroken by their loss. I hope this brings them even closer together, it's the only good that can come from this. 

Hopefully the tragedy that keeps befalling this family ends. The survivors band will together and live their lives fully in memory of loved ones passed. 

Rest in peace - Peaches Geldof

A young and tragic British icon. 

Friday, 4 April 2014

10 things I want... NOW!

1) The Miscellaneous and Marvellous Entrapment Dress by Traffic People
Colour: Grey-Black
(Picture taken from http://www.trafficpeople.co.uk/shop/products/Miscellaneous-%26-Marvellous-%252d-Entrapment-Dress.html)

Omg so this dress I wanted like three years ago but back then I think it was called the Ice Fairy Entrapment dress or something along those lines, I had seen it in an issue of Asiana Magazine and totally fallen in love with it. My husband being him decided he wanted to get it for me, sadly the dress was a few seasons old by then and was no longer in production and the only one they could ind was a size 12 in Brazil or something so I didn't get my dress. To say the least I was totally heart broken, I had fallen in love with it and now it was gone forever, but I did not give up hope a few months later I emailed Traffic People and the lady who emailed me back told me that for the Autumn/Winter collection '13 there would be a similar remake of the dress that I could look out for so I waited and I waited and I wait for it to come out and I made my hubby promise to buy it for me when it came out. Then with all the moving and stuff I forgot and now I just remembered... Mmmm. Some bribery may be in order soon.

2) Crunk wedge heels by Privileged 
(Picture from http://www.schuh.co.uk/womens-black-privileged-crunk/1162007060/)

I walked into Schuh the other day and started salivating over these. I've never liked something so overt but I just love them, my hubby hates them and is refusing to get them for me but I still love them. They are just so extreme! Lol.



3) MELISSA ULTRAGIRL HEEL SPECIAL
White
(Picture taken from http://www.melissa.com.br/en/collection/heel-special)

I love Melissa shoes, I had a pair of Lady dragons for my wedding day and they smelt like strawberries and still do. I have another pair of Mels but I want more and these are so cute!

4) MELISSA ULTRAGIRL + J. MASKREY II
White
(Picture taken from http://www.melissa.com.br/en/collection/melissa-ultragirl-jmaskrey-ii)
Yes those are Swarovski crystals on the toecap... I just want these to lick. I wouldn't even wear them ,I'd be terrified of ruining them!

5) LVL Lash Lift Treatment
So I found out about the LVL lash lift last year when I was still in Leeds but I haven't been able to find anyone that has had it done to have a chat with, because I'm trying to be really careful about chemicals and such on my skin you know? It's basically like a longer lasting version of using your normal day to day eyelash curlers, with 'gentle, innovative products' and eyelid shields to straighten and curl your lashes. So yeah but I am super interested in it and if/when I have it done I will be blogging about it! If you want to know more here is the link http://www.nouveaubeautygroup.com/lashes/lvl/lvl-lash-lift/ If anyone has had this treatment done, please do get in touch because I am desperate to have it done!

6) Nandos
Need I say anymore? I just can't be bothered to go alone.

7)Rag & Bone/Jean Lariat Skinny Jeans With Zips
:
(Picture taken from http://www.asos.com/Rag-Bone/JEAN/Rag-Bone/Jean-Lariat-Skinny-Jeans-With-Zips/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=3118794&cid=13434&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=36&sort=-1&clr=Army)

I love these jeans soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much, I've never been terribly interested in Rag & Bone before but now I want like half their collection. They are just so cute!

8) Angel wing t-shirt
Now I haven't actually found the one I want I have seen a few I like but I can't find the one I totally fall in love with and have to buy, but I'm being so picky because it's got a meaning behind it I won't tell you what because it's sooooo soppy and yeah but if any of you see something let me know!

9) A slushie
But I cba to go and get one... the struggles of being lazy. I want the blue one... willpower... is somewhere... just... need... to... sod it.

10) A baby kitten
I haven't found the breed or the kitten i want and I have to wait a few months but I do still kinda have my heart set on a Bengal cross of some sort. They are just so adorable!!!! I just want a little fluffy thing to love! For now I have Paco - who is adorable and sweet, even if he is a pain in the ass.

Do I sound like a spoilt little brat? Lol.

Love,

Monica
          xxx

Thursday, 3 April 2014

How to wake up looking perfect

When I first got married I was really kinda uptight about my husband seeing me in any other way always done to some degree, like I couldn't look like hell, but now I don't really care - I figured out the romance in a relationship doesn't particularly ride on you looking perfect or just not like  banshee dragged backwards through the Sahara desert and then the Amazon jungle, it's all about mutual understanding, respect and fun. So yeah but I did used to have this perfect routine before I went to bed to wake up looking pretty much perfect (read acceptable) save, needing to brush my teeth. I am not one of those girls that can take a #nomakeup #selfie#omg #didijustreallyjusthashtag #nofilter #natural  I'm sorry I couldn't help myself - I amuse myself so much haha. But seriously I'm willing to share this lovely bit of info with you, it actually works for a lot of things not just wanting to keep up the facade of being a perfect fairy princess that pees glitter, like it really saves on time getting ready in the morning you can literally roll out of bed and be ready.

So here goes:

You need to first do your normal routine, we will use mine as a base line :)

I exfoliate my underarms every night and apply baby powder to them , also I exfoliate my legs and apply lotion to them but that's not really part of the looking good bit, but yeah then I brush my hair which takes forever because my hair just loves to get knotty- it's like when I'm not looking some little scene kid comes up and back brushes the living fuck out of my hair and then empties an entire can of shit hair spray and dry shampoo on to beautiful head. So yeah once that is done I spray a little of my Plump up the volume VO5 Hair spray into it and pull it into a messy but tight top knot on my head or I plat/braid it depending how I want it (my hair has three style - up in a pony, up in a bun and down in a mess because my hair is so thin and long it will not how anything else, or at least that is what I tell myself so I don't have to try any new styles), then I brush, floss and mouth wash which takes like forever because I'ma oral hygiene freak, next I use my cleanser and toner 2-in-1 by Simple that I mentioned in my last 'Top Ten Favs' I give my face a good scrubbing with a flannel and that stuff until I'm happy it is clean. I check for any black heads that need attention and then I'm good to go.

Now here is where the magic comes in.

So you know your make up brush that's soft and quite fluffy? Grab that and get some baby powder on it and sweep it all over you wonderful face concentrating on your t-zone - overnight this will soak all the oil you wake up to. Fresh, matte face without the effort!

Next get you eye lash curlers out and give yourself a few pumps, you want it to be relatively curled because while you sleep they will relax a bit, this helps give your eyes a little bit of pop in the morning so you don't look dead in the eyes, but because it was done hours ago it still looks natural.

Now you need to grab your flannel or lip scrub and give your lips a once over, crusty lips is gross, now get your lip tint. Don't have one? Why not? Get one, believe me it is the biggest life saver. Apply enough to give you a cute hue to your lips whether you like it graduated or full on just do it and then when it's dry lock it in with a really good lip balm - you wake up with perfectly tinted and soft lips, great for the morning kiss after you have brushed your teeth.

That's it!

Now when you wake up run to the bathroom brush your teeth and let your hair down and you will have the sexy, bed head look that you want but never works out for you. I tend to spritz a little perfume, moisturise my arms, stomach and legs and use some deodorant and then get back in bed. I don't feel grossed out by myself or want to hide my face because I look like a fucking troll in the morning - don't get me wrong I have stopped most of this ritual but it did help me relax a little you know? We all think we look like hell in the morning and wouldn't leave the house dead without at least making sure we look half decent. I was really conscious of the way I looked before and had a lot of hang ups but now I am way more confident in my skin and go makeup less quite a lot but you don't have to use this in the way I did, the baby powder really helped clear up my oily skin and I feel the eyelash curlers help stimulate growth, so yeah.

Anyways, I'm not really sure where this is going anymore. What is your favourite beauty tip?

Love

Monica
          xxx

Ten celebrities that get on my tits

Okay I like know I don't know any of these people, personally ergo, really have no right to hate them or even have an opinion on them but... fuck that. I'm sure in person these people are lovely. So one the top of this list is:

1) Boris Johnson 
But not because he is annoying but he just makes me cry when I see and he properly creeps me the fuck out I can't figure out if it is because he is so odd looking and I'm actually really shallow or that it's the video of him saying 'vey niiiice' :/ either way he creeps me the fuck out and has made me cry far too many times... usually at a very hormonal time of the month but still... he makes me cry. Once I cried because I wanted to kick a coffee cup off of a six-foot tall wall but... I'm like 5'1... so yeah... that wasn't happening so I started crying... Don't judge me I was fragile. So I'm more scared of him tbh. Idk why. You know whats funny? This nurse once said to me that you should never trust a man with a small nose or eyes that are too close together - I nearly pissed my self, I don't believe it obviously and don't at all think either of these statements apply to Boris Johnson's... Anyways.

2) Lorde
Okay so like I know she is super talented... well 'Royals' was really good, like I've listened to a few tracks of hers after that and they are just... well forgettable maybe it's just me, I mean I am not a music buff or anything but i just find her music... yeah just a bit lame but anyways my issue with her is this insane sense of "I'm better than the women that are put in the same bracket as me because I'm different and they are all the same", she seems to act way old that her age but in this really weird way so I don't mean that she is like out drinking and dressing provocatively, I mean she's just so... old. She acts so old. She isn't alcohol because of her age, so she always asks for olives, how about just a fucking panda pop (yes I do know they don't do them anymore... it makes me sad)? What seventeen year-old wants olives instead of like cherry ade? You know? She randomly goes around slamming people for the way they are like when she said that Taylor Swift is "unattainable", on what level is she? She has dated half of Hollywood and Harry Styles who brings any girl a few pegs down on the Holy Scale but seriously some girls are blessed with perfect curls and beautiful skin so don't hate on them, I mean don't get me wrong I'm always walking past a pretty girl and saying this very sentence "OMG she's soooo pretty! Bitch" I don't even know the girl and I already dislike her because she is just too pretty, so it's okay for Lorde to slam photoshop but it's not okay to  celebrate natural beauty. STFU, much. Also she slammed Selena Gomez for her 'come and get it' track because of the message, which is apparently 'when you are ready come and get it from me', so what in a loving relationship it's not okay to be sexual and be open? If thats the case I feel sorry for her boyfriend. She slammed Gomez but she left Beyonce alone- who, I'm sorry to say but, just released a detailed autobiography of her sex life with Jay-Z and how much he blatantly gets off on a little bit of control and exhibitionism. Why? Because it's Beyonce and you can't. How about you just make music? Stop being bitchy and trying so hard to be different.

3) Miley Cyrus
She's just so try hard. I can't deal with nearly seeing her totally naked all the fucking time, I mean if I wanted to see some girl touching herself I could just go on a porn site I don't want it on my fucking Facebook and her licking things is so strange and not very hygienic. I just feel sorry for her Dad and mum - who isn't actually dead like I thought she was cuz of Hannah Montana. I just want to give her a bath and dress her is some clothes that don't look like she stole them from Taylor Momsen and then hit them with a rainbow unicorn, grow her hair out again, put her tongue back in her mouth, give her a cheese burger and just tell her to chill the fuck out. She is just too much now.

4) Olympians
Why are they everywhere? They just pop up on like every tv show going, it's like 'get back to training, dumbass', you're an Olympian not a tv personality, please just go back to what ever thing you do really fast because you have trained years for it/have a natural affinity for it, okay? Please? And OMG quit it with all the fucking endorsements, you don't make us feel like we want to buy what ever you are representing because you work hard to look the way you do and be where you are, dude if I'm watching this advert on a monday at 11am, the chances are I am not a particularly motivated person. Please stop reminding me that I am lazy. Thanks bye. Also Mo Farah looks like pepparami, Rebecca Adlington (I don't like her I either) does look like she is looking into a spoon, Usain Bolt is too cool and Tom Daley likes boys too.

5) Isla Fisher
Because... well I can't tell her from Amy Adams.

6) Amy Adams
...Okay I only dislike her cuz I can't tell her apart from Isla Fisher. It just confuses me too much.

7) Jim Carrey
Just everything he does annoys me, he is so exaggerated and plain stupid in a way that just isn't funny after you turn about 11. I just want to put him in a box and throw him into an industrial blender. Ugh. Every fucking movie is the exact same just be weird, talk in lots funny accents, walk funny.

8) Katie Hopkins
OMG this women I would love to see get slapped in the face with a large, slightly rotten blobfish. She is just so fucking vile and she says the stupidest things in the world and she has the most fucking irritating mannerisms. Like she is just so fucking judgemental and bitchy and she just spouts shit constantly, if she opens her bitch ass slut mouth bile and hate just pours out. I just really hate her every time she is on tv I want to throw things at the tv. Plus she upset Holly Willoughby and I can't deal with that. That head tilt she does fucks me off.

Seriously watch this if you didn't know that shes a bitch: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edZjdgU0asM
or this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RH1WuEW8Pw
or this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY3v2KQkGmE

9) Lil' Kim
She's a shit rapper, she gets on my tits, she's a short, dumpy, old women that needs to grow the fuck up and stop having so much fucking plastic surgery it's just embarrassing now tbh. Ugh she is only still famous because of the whole Junior Mafia thing and the fact she randomly starts beef with people. She has nothing of any substance to say yet she keeps talking and it's just irritating and pathetic someone please convince her to cryogenically freeze herself now. Her music is so she and she needs to just go away.

Okay just quickly veering off topic but is it me but Ciara is having an identity crisis like in one video she looks like Kelly Rowland, Nicki Minaj and like several others. I'm just sorta worried for her, like is she okay? Also Anne Hathaway is a little bit too holier than thou.

Actually while we are talking about people I am worried about or have an opinion of BEYONCE... Bare with okay, I'm not going to slag her off the whole time but I am going to slag a bit - so number one what is up with her getting so... naked? Like don't get me wrong she is a stunningly beautiful, a body to die for and is quite obviously very comfortable in her very publicly displayed skin but... she is a mother now, not to mention a role model for many girls - now I know I have many times before said that celebrities shouldn't be role models and their actions aren't to be follow but she isn't just a pop star - she is an advocate for gay equality, women's rights and many charities so I just think it's a little unwise of her to be doing so. I can't get over how public the details of her sex life are,I mean like with 'Drunk In Love' and some other songs that I have heard from the BEYONCE album they just are sex, sex, sex and don't get me wrong a healthy sex life between a couple is 
i n c r e d i b l y  important but having it so... public is just a bit too much for me, I mean I now assume that Jay-Z has a thing for domination and like a bit of exhibitionism which is all fun and games and you know, go him and lucky him for having one of THE hottest women on the planet but... I just don't want to see it - I mean when like Blue Ivy grows up and sees these videos it's gunna be like "errrrrrrrrr... so yeah... umm... my parents are super freaks, nice, old people sex". I just want her to go back to being amazing, talented and phenomenal. She was always amazing to watch perform, now I dread it because I know what is coming... sex or just a weird costume that looks out of place on her or just idk something that I won't like. So yeah... getting back to my list.

10) Rita Ora
So when Rita Ora burst on to the scene I was totally in love with the whole package - she was brit and bad ass, she kept to being her and then I said "I hope she doesn't turn into Rihanna"... she did. She is just not the Rita Ora we knew when 'RIP' came out or even 'How we do', she's just Rihanna with a British accent basically, plus she looks like she has no teeth randomly and it freaks me out (okay so I'm shallow, sue me fuck face) and now I've just seen that she recently had dinner with Chloe Green (speaking of Chloe - Lucy Watson also fucking pisses me off with that bratty attitude, fucking squeaky voice, out of place and out dated lexicon and spot on dress sense; I can't fault the way she dresses but I can sure as fuck hate the cow for it, plus she is pretty... I know hypocrite) who also annoys me so that's added to her annoying factor, she hasn't released any good music and she's just there. It upsets me.


So maybe there were a few more than ten... oooh I just thought of someone else, I may have to do another one of these! :/ Just lots of things and people annoy me, I'm just a very easily irked person oh well!

Anyways, who really get on your nerves?

Love,

Monica
         xxx