Thursday, 31 July 2014

Facebook Randomness!!!

So the ad just came on and they said "helping you find roofers" I heard "roofies".

I just found myself licking a lemon. What is wrong with me?

Thank you, God for all the people you have given me, I don't know where I would be without them. Thank you for the strength you have afforded me through stressful times.
Happy Eid

What witchcraft is this?
I woke up an hour ago after going to sleep at 11pm. I'm now tired again.

I'm pretty sure the kids in the park behind my house were just chanting "fuck that".

I can't stop watching "What To Expect When You're Expecting". Just finished my 5th time today.

Me and Paco don't like the thunder. Mr Thalukdher come and save us.

I think the nerves in my legs have done acid.
Don't do drugs. Drugs are bad, kids.

So Hubby is sleeping like Superman in his standing pose which tbh is really funny looking, I can hear what sounds like a flock of many different birds and cats having a giant fucking orgy, my back is killing and it's 5am. Perfect.

Oh dear. I'm feeling a bit like a turtle on it's back today.

So I just made my morning cup of tea in my clear tea cup and saucer, with a pear shaped silicone tea strainer and a spoon that has a fairy on it but I was unable to drink said culmination of amazingness because I forgot to boil the fucking kettle and I used cold water.

I'm so stupid, I didn't know that the all the Ocean's movies are named so because Dani's character is called 'Daniel Ocean'.

Okay the need for spaghetti bolognese is getting too much for me to handle.

I think I just hiccuped and sneezed, but because it happened at the same time my face just went funny.

Yesterday, my little brother was not only awarded certificates for Achievement and Attendance but he was also given a special certificate from his Headteacher. He was said to have worked hard in every aspect of school life from Maths to Swimming. I am so proud of you! You are always going to be my little skinny boy but it seems to the world your are the amazing, smart, lovely little man I knew you always would be.
I love you lots, Holgush!

I wonder if onions appreciate the fact that I don't cry when I cut them like everyone else, or do they just think I'm a heartless bitch?

I have four different types of pillows supporting my back right now... yet somehow I am still not comfortable. How is this p o s s i b l e ?

I want to eat so many things that are different shades of orange.

Every Cleavage Thursday that LAD Bible does I always have the same reaction to each of the girls:
"Your boobs are nice and all now but wait until you start aging", that and "when you lie down do they go into your armpits?".

How do mermaids have babies? Like fish or like humans?

Seagulls are so fucking evil.

I want Coke so badly right now.
Curse you, carbonated drink of deliciousness and caffeine, why must you taunt me with your wicked taste of evil?!
It doesn't matter how many times I watch this, it still gives me the chills.

That awkward moment when Facebook suggests your estranged step-dad as a friend.

My sister gets back from her 5-day trip to France today.
Who goes to France at 13? Who does she think she is? Lizzie Mcguire?
I can't deal with her growing up. I still remember her getting stuck on the slide and needing me to save her.

What if we hooked up gym equipment that requires physical strength to operate them to some sort of generating system so we harness that kinetic energy as a usable resource?
Gyms could be like useful instead of just places to check into on social media and douche central.

The beginning of the year must have been either really intense or kinda boring, cuz so many babies are due like October/September.

I have chocolate from Portugal, my housemate got it for me.
I like her. She gets me chocolate. She's nice and smells like a sugar plum fairy.

So I never realized how much I love the smell of burnt toast. How do you burn toast every time you make it? Ugh. Ffs.

With the Maa watching the Brazil v.s Germany.
Heartbreaking. Utterly heartbreaking.

Ugh cannot believe I got pricked four times for my glucose blood test at the hospital, then I threw up foam, fainted sitting down and giggled myself silly.
I should have taken a picture of Maa's face, she looked so worried lol.

OMG. "Hand holding bastards".

"Thanks assface".

When you dislike someone and everything they do starts to get on your tits.

The dog is acting so strange, he's barely left my side all day, like he sat outside the toilet and waited for me. He just keeps staring at me. It's kinda creepy.
Maybe he's trying to tell me something like "Timmy is stuck in the well" or some other shit that dogs tell humans.

Saw these and they made me laugh:
So I just stuck googly eyes to my belly and now I'm rotflbnisbitptguablatoib which stands for "rolling on the floor laughing but now I'm stuck because I'm too pregnant to get up a bit like a turtle stuck on it's back".

I love the random burst of energy I get from the baby - it enables me to get everything done, like
e v e r y t h i n g but then I'm like -__-" after and I wish I had just gone all sloth on the housework.
On the plus side I get to sniff clean sheets like a cocaine addict.

Back to my posts

Shut my finger in a door, bent my nail back, pulled my neck muscle twice and had a nose bleed
The past couple of days have been dangerous.

Makeup Setting Spray a.k.a Hair Spray for your face.

I walked all the way to the shop it get mint hot chocolate... but they didn't have it — feeling sad.

Watching Lonely Island videos this early when I'm this tired is kinda like being on acid.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels... Apart from churros but churros don't taste as good as knowing my husband isn't scared he will snap me in half if he hugs me too hard or the sense of relief I get when my Maa doesn't start crying every time she sees me because I have got skinnier.
Nothing tastes as good as being a healthy weight that is appropriate for your height and age. Stop focusing of being skinny or fat - bones or obesity, neither are healthy - mentally or physically.

Laying in bed, next to a sleeping Hubby and in his sleep this is happened.
Him: Oh!
Me: What's the matter, Jaan?
Him: I get it now.
Me: Umm... what do you get?
Him: Li-lo. There used to be li-lo.
Me: I don't know what you're talking about, Jaan. Go back to sleep.
Him: There used to be li-lo now there's laminate.
Me: Where?
Him: In the house.
Me: No, Jaan. There is carpet here apart from the bathroom and the kitchen.
Him: Oh... But there was li-lo.

Yesterday was two years of being married to the weirdo that is my Hubby. I love you. I can't believe we have been only going for two years, it feels like it's always just been us. I love you so so so much. I love the way you frown for no reason. I love the way you can just eat and eat and eat. I love the way you laugh - it makes whatever is funny, a million times funnier. I love the changes you have brought in me. I love the way you make me feel, the way you look at me. I love you for everything you are and everything you're not.
Reh das da twu shee.

So I just watched 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' now I'm watching 'Friends With Kids' all while the Hubby lies topless next to me...
I do love my life.

I don't wear headscarf, I wear tight clothes, I wear makeup, I wear high heels. My husband doesn't like headscarves, my husband buys my clothes, my husband buys me my makeup, my husband buys me my heels. Got a problem with that then speak to him. I belong to him and this is the way he likes me to be.

Oh, Sleep. Sleep! Where for art thou Sleep?
Deny thy stubbornness, cease thy refusal.
And just fucking come and pay me a visit.

I love my Maa. She's like "fuck off I'm watching football".

Mr Thalukdher?
I want to do things to your face, like squish it so you look like a fish.

If your daughter is a girly girl or a tom boy or your son is a "bit of a wet blanket" or a rough-and-tumble kinda boy you accept it as the way they are, you support them and you are fine with it so why is it that a childs gender identity is a problem. How can you as a parent see your child unhappy in the skin they were born in and not want to help them?

Me to myself in my head, whilst lying on the sofa falling asleep.
Me: You should get up...
Me: Yeah but it is so cozy here.
Me: You have stuff to do, you can sleep after that.
Me: But my eyes are already closed...
Me: Open them.
Me: But...
Then I started laughing at myself because I realised I am a bad influence on myself.

So I woke up W A S T E D, then got a random burst of energy and did everything... but now I'm like "I need to pee but that means getting up... I could just pee here".

So I just choked on an extra juicy bit of orange... My Maa laughed. Lol.

So I'm nosing through my sisters pencil case and I found a picture of Osama Bin Laden

It's my birthday...
That's well cool.

There is a woman who wear a corset 23 hours a day and I'm sat here like "I don't like trousers".

When my Maa thanks me for being there for her when she's down and all I can think is "least I can do after you housed me inside your body for nine months and then raised me".

There are only two things to worry about in life: whether you are well or whether you are sick; if you are well there is nothing to worry about. If you are sick there are only two things to worry about: whether you will get better or whether you will die. If you get better there is nothing to worry about. If you die there are only two things to worry about whether you will go to Heaven or whether you will go to Hell. If you go to Heaven there is nothing to worry about however if you go to Hell, you will be too busy shaking hands with old friends you won't have time to worry.

The Game's voice in Doctor's Advocate
It breaks my heart every time I hear it.

Today is definitely a playdoh day.

Gherkins must really freak cucumbers out.

I think I'm going to throw up. My toes hurt, along with the rest of me.
Why do seagulls pretend to be ducks?

Four bananas later and I think I'm addicted.

Saying something blasphemous and being like "wait am I allowed to say that?" and then deciding that you're in enough trouble as it is, so what the hey!

Hello 5am! Oh gosh, don't you look lovely?

And 3:30am! Oh dear, goodness, how could I forget you?! I do apologise, how are you? Good? I'm glad. Now go fuck yourself.

Half three in the morning and we wake up to silence of the lambs style moth fluttering, I get scared so Hubby punches it, even though he H A T E S them
This is why I love you.

I think that's enough crazy for one post! Lol!



Little Preggers

So I kinda mentioned like the last 9 months I was kinda... a little bit up the duff. Hey what that movie where the friend of the main character is like "I'm a little bit pregnant..." And she's like "what?! You can't be a little but pregnant either you are or you're not"?

Well I was and it's been pretty awesome, sometimes hard but awesome. It was after we moved that I kinda figured that something was afoot so I got a test and there it was - positive. Two little lines that tell you that you are carrying another human. I didn't feel different. I didn't look different. I didn't sound different. But there was something inside me that was totally different - a little new life, completely unique.

I told my husband - he jumped up and down with happiness and I don't mean metaphorically - he actually jumped and grabbed me and squeezed me and squashed me. I got a lot of kisses and smiles. We told our peoples and that was that... my pregnancy began. I was pregnant and it was pretty cool.

Good God. The morning sickness - it was the worst. I was being sick every morning, just this horrid yellow bile stuff that burnt my throat. It was so bad, I was really sleepy and super snappy and just a bit of a dick - but somewhere it sorta changed I'm not entirely sure when but then I was super chirpy and really happy, like I have so much energy, granted in bursts that don't last for long lol but I get so much done. I have to get everything done like I have to. It's crazy- like I can get everything done so quick.

In general I was pretty surprised with how well it went - I was told I wouldn't have kids like pretty much ever, and if by some pure, total and utter miracle I did somehow get pregnant then either me or the baby would survive, not both but it's been pretty good - the baby is really healthy. He grew perfectly and was medically on point.  Sorry I keep switching between tenses, I'm still not sure if I'm writing this for when he is actually born or if I'm going to finish it later. This whole post is going to be like that. 

He is growing great and is really fidgety, it's so cool but weird too.

I keep watching "What To Expect When You're Expecting" like over and over it's so weird.

I'm very tired like between the burst of energy which is a lot of the time but then again I'm like Queen of Laze lol. My appetite is badass- I can eat everything and I mean everything, even the things I hate like : coriander, vanilla, wasabi, rice, curry, meat, oranges.

We have a few names picked out but we want to like meet him - find out what he is like. You know what his views on marmite is, if he believes in the tooth fairy - important shit. Lol j/k - we just don't want to name him before we meet him, it's just something we both find really odd. How can you name someone without meeting them, a name is the first thing you usually find out about a person. Like I was named wrong and it was so strange not really feeling like my name belonged to me.

Omg when it was like really hot. I couldn't quite deal with it. I've never been someone who was good with heat but with my extra little hot water bottle I was not doing well. It's funny cuz you get dehydrated like super quick so you drink lots and like 5 seconds later you have to pee, it's like I wouldn't be so dehydrated if I just kept some of that fluid, dumbass body.

So yesterday was the first time we had to go the the FMAU - Fetal Movement Assessment Unit cuz he hadn't moved in ages and I was a mess. I was so terrified - turns out he was absolutely fine so yeah... that was intense. I've never been so scared in my life.

Omg Idk what it is about me and like bengali cooking at the moment - like I keep majorly craving bengali stuff and but we live in Exeter where it is about as white as it gets, like I see another Asian and I'm like "there are more of us!! Omg... you look so out of place..." lol. So yeah I kinda got into making at home, which is cool and stuff but it doesn't really taste the same, like it tastes pretty good but not exactly how it should. But it means my cooking skills have got better, they really sucked before now they mildly suck.

My first trimester was crazy hard - I was just so ill and I was struggling with the hormones so I was such a bitch, it was really hard for my hubby but he pretty much kept his cool. 

Second trimester flew by like idk where it went and I chirped up, I really enjoyed that phase -no sickness, no weird stuff, just sleepy. I was so chill like everything just didn't matter. I just didn't care. Things that should have bothered me or upset me I was just like "meh". It was like caring was too much effort. I loved it. It was the first time in my life I was so laid back. It's kinda stuck tbf. I'm still pretty chill - I just let my hubby decide most things. The colour/design shelves in the living room? Meh. The plates for our new home? You pick. The baby stuff? These ones are nice, I like them but meh. Like I wasn't there for the baby shopping, I was still in hospital after having him. My hubby did it all and got it spot on I loved everything.

And then third trimester was hard. I was just so uncomfortable or painful - everything was hard. Eating, sitting, sleeping, walking, peeing. Just everything. 

The whole birth/labor thing was awesome, agony but awesome. So I'm getting my hubby ready for work, it's about 9:30am - I'm making his lunch and there is this gush of fluid, I'm like "so I just peed myself" and I tried to stop it but it just kept coming. So I ran to the bathroom, it wasn't stopping abc then I kinda figured that my water just broke so I yelled to my hubby. He called my Maa, then the ambulance while  I grabbed my notes, finished packing my hospital bags and off we went. 

I get checked in and then they hook me up to this heart rate thing, jab my arms with stuff - cuz I'm small it always take like 5 attempts to get blood or put a cannula in and we waited for my contractions to properly start and my family to arrive. 

About 11am they started and my family arrived a bit later. The team looking after me decided to put me on my antibiotic drip and also the hormone mix that helps speeds things up but my body and the baby kept reacting really badly to it. At some point around then they broke my hind water and I was about 2 centimetres. 

Around 6pm I wanted the gas and air, I'd been in labor about 7 hours and my contractions were about 5 minutes apart I was about 5 centimetres dilated. 11pm, twelve hours after my waters had broken they were beginning to consider an emergency c-section as it was getting too much for me and the baby. They decided that if after 12am there was no change then they would proceed with a c-section.

12am came and went and my contractions were coming thick and fast things had picked up, I had the diamorphine at some point around here and then around 1am out he popped. 

My hubby, Maa, brother and sister were all there with me they while time - apart from the last hour or so when they sent my siblings out. Each of them took it turns to hold my hand - I don't really remember who's hand I was holding I just know I felt safe. Tbh I don't really recall much. Apparently I was quite funny! I remember my voice being hella deep after way too much gas and air so I did Darth Vader impressions and everyone laughing. I remember my Maa knocking at the door and getting annoyed and saying "whoever the fuck is at the door you're  obviously meant to be in here so just fucking come in" and the midwife pissing herself. Idk why but my hubby and Maa both got a multitude it fingers stuck up at them for various offenses I'm guessing. 

 My Maa was obsessed in these marshmallows that were heavy as fuck. Oh yeah we had like shit loads of sweets and chocolates, at one point my Maa ordered pizza, we had also had music on earlier in the day. It was a great vibe in our room tbh. My midwives were funny as hell. Tbh bar the pain I had an amazing labor - it was loving, funny and just chill. I felt happy and like I was ready. 

I'm not really sure what else to say tbh. I'm sorta done also it's 1:50am and I haven't slept properly in a month. 

So, yeah. 



Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Top Ten Faves!

I really like little baby yoghurts, I don't care if they are for kids... they make me happy. So it's been a while since I did one of these but like not much has changed in the things I use but hey ho! Omg I have been getting a lot of view from the Middle East... Should I be afraid? Lol. I don't know how well I translate tbh! Like I am very... not general audience friendly, like if I was a tv program I would so have to be on after the water shed!

So yeah here they are:

1) Dove Purely Pampering Lotion
I've used like three different ones of this range and they all smell like heaven and moisturize so well, like my husband even noticed that I was just so soft, lots of extra snuggles :) It is a little heavy but I like that it doesn't dry up straight after you put it on.

2)  Simple Kind To Skin Pore Minimising Toning Cleanser
I don't use anything else on my face on a daily basis. I use it on a flannel to scrub my skin and remove dirt or makeup and then I use it like a lotion and just rub a generous amount into my skin and my skin has never ever been better or clearer. I love it. It has things like Witchhazel, Vitamin E and Chamomile in which are all great for skin. It is pore tightening so I tend to focus on blackheads or pores that need a little extra cleaning before I use it just because after your pores are like tighter that the leggings on a morbidly obese girl.

3) Argan Oil Shampoo, Conditioner and Hair Treatment
I can't find a link for this one but it's the one that is dark brown and has like a greeny/yellow coloured lid on Google. You can get it from most discount stores - I've seen some real negativity for it and the company that owns it but it has been like an angel peed on my hair, it's so soft and silky - it smells like heaven, like my hubby loves the smell of it. So my hair started falling out earlier in the year, it does this every now and again , just decides it no longer likes me and wants to leave so yeah I wake up with clumps of it on my pillow, when I shower it's like a cat died in the plug- but I have only ever found my hair in food that I've cooked like 10 times in the two years I have been cooking for my hubby. But yeah so I was looking for a change from my normal Elvive routine, I had switched to using the new Fibrology one at the time in lieu of my normal Nutri-gloss Crystal Shine Sparkle to try and salvage my ever thinning locks but nothing was working, it continued to fall, it was getting dire and I was getting upset. I think I went into Poundland to get some sweets and saw the bottle, I thought "Hey £2, if it's crappy then I'll just chuck it away" but it turned out to be so good for my hair. I use the shampoo and conditioner every other day, and the hair treatment once a week, with my hair being so long and having major OCD about stuff getting in/on it I have to keep it clean, I know they say you shouldn't wash your hair too much but tbh I always maintain that everyone knows their skin/hair best and instinct is a great thing, so is trial and error so yeah if washing your hair once a week works for you, then go you! And likewise if washing it everyday does too then, yay you!

4) Primark Nail Polishes
So I love Primark - they do the softest t-shirts, socks, pyjamas and they are the best for period pants lol  plus they have super cute house stuff but when they came out with a makeup range I wasn't really interested until that is I saw the funky colours, I did a little review searching and found that the got generally good reviews - now my hubby usually buys me my nail polishes, like he will see a colour or bottle and want it for me so he will buy it but yeah I am too lazy. But there was a box four really cute colours for only £2.00 so I thought while I was picking up spare pillow cases I would grab a little box. The quality is pretty good and they stay put too, I think like 5 days later after normal wear and tear I still had nails that weren't noticeably chipped, and that was without top coat. The glitter polishes were awesome like seriously I loved them. So yeah worth a try!

5) Body Shop Amazonian Wild Lily (alcohol-free) Perfume Oil
So I have like really dark underarms which is you know, whatever, whatevs as I don't wear vest tops or anything that shows my underarms but it still gets to me - it just looks dirty to me, like I know it's not but to me it just looks it, after some research, trail and error and basically nothing working I decided I needed to stop using aerosol/chemical deodorant and sprays to try and help my skin but to do so I needed an effective substitute for a few days I used just baby powder but it was a pain in the ass cuz I sweat like a onion in a pan when it's hot so I had to keep going to a bathroom wiping it off and topping it up - too much hassle. My Maa for my birthday had given me £100 for a mini shopping spree but me being me couldn't find anything to buy after about an hour and only spending £80, I decided to treat myself to a giant slushie and take a break from clothes shopping, I wandered into The Body Shop and saw this little adorable bottle. I smelt the musk one first and then the cherry blossom one, both of which smell gorgeous; just not very me (also I was looking for a new perfume as mine was beginning to not suit me) but yeah then I picked up the Lily one and it was just perfect - I bought two bottles and have been using the ever since instead of deodorant. I properly like hounded my hubby to tell me honestly if I smell and he said I don't and as far as I can tell I don't either. I apply it once in the morning after wiping/exfoliating the area and once before bed too and my underarms are a smidge lighter, but the thing I'm most happy with is I get no blocked pores or ingrown hairs whatsoever, like I used to get a few blocked pores all the time and an ingrown hair atleast once a month but nothing since I have switched, hair removal is easier too. I also use a dab on the neckline of my tops just for a little added wear during the day. All in all I love the product, I keep a bottle in my bathroom for home use and carry the other one in my handbag at all times just incase I feel like a top up, which isn't often. Give it a go! I'm trying to convert my little sister who is really struggling with asthma at the moment and has been advised to cut aerosols out of her routine completely.

6) Tea
So I drink tea like any other bengali/brit - so shit loads, we love a good cup of tea; it's like all the world can go to fuck during our tea moment or it can join in with our tea moment like we can all sit down and just hash out the worlds problems if we just all had a cup of tea. But yeah I have this giant ass mug I usually drink out of and I drink like quite a few cups in a day too, which is not very healthy and due to medical reasons I was told I need to cut down on my caffeine intake for a while which didn't really sit well with me, I mean I don't really have many vices. So while I was out with my Maa on one of the occasions she came to visit, she got me this super cute Ella Sabatini tea cup set from Debenhams - it's a really simple design but it's completely clear which makes it a little quirky also it's tiny which means I can't drink loads of it but I still get to have a little. But yeah it's like my little morning thing - I drink my tiny cup of tea while the hubby eats his breakfast. It's cool cuz like my whole tea routine has lots of love in it - the kettle I use to boil the water was a gift from my Maa - it's a polka dot one!!! The cup and saucer was a gift from my Maa too, the spoon was part of a set that was given to me by my friend to smells like fairies as a birthday present and I also stole her silicone pear shaped tea strainer but yeah everything I use makes me smile every morning. I like presents like that, ones that you will use often and that will make you feel surrounded by those you love.

7) Sesame Seeds
OMG  I'm like a crack addict with sesame seed anything - snaps, caramel balls, in stuff , on stuff. If it has sesame seeds I want it. I just love it.

8) Oranges
Idk what is wrong with my rather out of control addiction to oranges - jelly, fruit, juice, squash. Just anything with oranges in it - I keep buying a litre carton of orange juice when I go to have lunch with my hubby and by the time I get home I've drunk it all. I cut up an orange in the morning and eat it like one of the walkers out of the Walking Dead would eat brains. Help me...

9) My Playlist
I have this one pretty much all of the day. As soon as I wake up it goes on for the hubby to get ready too, he is like me - he NEEDS music and then during the day it's on until he comes home. I'm loving some of the tracks on there that I have added recently - all my hubby's suggestions.

10) The 100
Omg. I like morbid books and tv series' - apocalypse that shit up and I am a happy little bunny and this show is just that. This is a tv series based on a book. We are all good so far. It's on E4 that I have just got into, 97 years ago there was an almighty ass war and everyone got nuked. The only known survivors were residents of twelve space stations that were orbiting the Earth before everything got mushroom-clouded, these twelve space stations then come together to form what they call "The Ark" where just under 3000 people live. As you can imagine they don't have much up there so you do something wrong, it doesn't matter what it is then babes you are on a one way trip into a blackhole, they "float" you off into space and you ain't never coming back. Shit is a bit dire to say the least. But it gets worst the life support systems are failing and carbon dioxide poisoning is beginning to set it for everyday they try to fix the system, the number of people the must "float" to save the rest goes up by 10 and so far (series 2) it's nearing 200. So they send a bunch of juvi prisoners - 100 to be exact to see if life on earth is yet sustainable. And it turns out it if you can survive the crazy-ass, nuclear-radiated, mutant-fucked wildlife, acid storms, lack of pretty much anything and everything and each other (remember these guys are mostly criminals) then maybe just maybe there might be a chance, unless you piss the "grounders" off. So after everything went boom, somehow there were human survivors (which kinda makes sense now I think about it, cuz if there are animals that survived then surely a few humans did too - even if they have like extra ears or some shit) and they are called "grounders", so far all I can tell is they are bad ass at camouflage, awesome at surviving, are territorial and just a bit like undiscovered tribes. But yeah I have an episode plused for tonight!!!!

So that was my top ten. I'm sorry I haven't really posted lately I just sort of fell of the bike a bit and wasn't sure how to get back on. You know how I hate posting when I have nothing to post about or am not feeling it. I have a feeling that I'll be in a more posty mood so keep checking the blog for updates :)



Tuesday, 15 July 2014

So here's the thing...

I get slated for the way I am... a lot. I have spent so much of my life pretending to be so many different people but now I have me and I am more than happy with me. The people that know me and spend their lives with me love me and are also happy with the person I am. If you don't like me that is fine. I don't live for you. I don't care about your opinion of me - it is a perception you, yourself have created after only meeting me a few times and not really knowing me.


 I am an offensive person I do not in anyway condone my behavior, however I do defend my right to be the way I am. As a reader whether you know me or not you don't really have the right to judge me as a person, you do however have the right to judge the opinions that I express and also have your own, use it - I was never one to say no to a bit of bitching. I am Asian - I say racially offensive things, use racially incorrect terms, make racially stereotypical statements - but they are not in anyway serious or meant to cause any type of hurt. I say sexist things. I make jokes - I like to think they are funny. Some people may find them funny, others may not but I write because I enjoy doing so and hope someone, somewhere will read it and laugh so for that moment, I was a reason a stranger laughed.

I wear western clothes, I don't even but my own clothes. I'm too lazy for that shit, I hate shopping because it is literally too much effort. Carrying the clothes around, trying them on, choosing them, traipsing around different shops is all just too much for me, my hubby has to bribe me with food to get me to go outside and let him buy me stuff. He chooses things he thinks would look  nice on me or things he would like to see me in and just picks the colours he knows I wear - grey, white, black, green, beige, blue - that is pretty much my pallet and he knows thatShoes are the same - he buys them for me, so many times he has come home with them and I have had no idea that he even knew I liked them.  My nails are usually painted - he is the one that chooses these polishes. I am spoiled little madam, I know this. He spoils me so so so much, but it's not like I encourage it.

My husband is one of the most amazing men I have ever met. Don't get me wrong he is a pain in my ass sometimes but I love him so so so much and he is a really loving husband. He spoils me rotten. He adores taking me out to eat and out. He loves showing me off to he friends and people he knows. He never bats an eyelid when it comes to spending money on me and always want me to have the best of everything but that is not why I love him - I love him for how loving, caring and protective he is of me. He makes me feel so safe and happy. I love his ability to make me laugh until I can't breathe. I love him for his intelligence - he is so smart and he loves to learn new things. I adore his child-like mannerisms, the fact he can laugh at people falling over and loves sweets and in some ways is so very innocent and unable to put the obvious into context. I love how much food he can eat - I have never in my life seen someone so slim eat so much food! I love cooking for him because I know he enjoys eating it so much, he isn't fussy and is always happy when I make something even if it is just a cheese toastie. He is respectful and kind to me. He is gentle. His smile and laugh are infectious, his dimples are so cute. When he holds me I know God took time to make sure I fit him perfectly - little things like my hands are just the right size for his, I am just the right height for him - like if I wear heels I'm still in line with his lips and if I'm in flats I have to tip-toe. My face fits snuggly in his hands when he holds my face and kisses me. I just fit him perfectly in every way. All the things I love about him most people don't even know he has. I love how he is such a headstrong person but if I say I don't think something is a good idea he won't do it - the people that cause problems in our life have no idea how many time your asses have been saved because he has looked at me and known I would be hurt if he reacted to your actions. You don't know who he really is and you don't know who I am - so butt out of our lives.

I love my husband so much. He is my best friend. We share so much in common, from music to movies, we even watch the same tv. We have a similar humor, outlook on life, perception of religion, view on society. The places we aren't the same, we are different in a way the broadens our understanding or complements our own view. You may not understand how we work or how we are happy but believe me we are and that is all that matters. Many people have been given chance after chance to be a part of our lives but time and time again they have fucked up and made us see that for our own sanity and marriage we cannot have them as a part of our lives, all we want is to live a peaceful happy life that has minimal drama. Is that so much to ask for? No.

If you for a second could have the love and life that we share for a single second; you would understand everything.