Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Fugly Duckling

So I'm the ugly duckling of my family, everyone else in my family is lighter and prettier. Tbh was the ugly duckling of my friendship circles too. Like I lived in the shadow of a milf. I can remember numerous horrifying occasions my mum being hit on and me having to pry myself away from the son of a bitch and the words "the hot one, next to the indian one" or "who's your hot friend, midget?" but hey I don't blame them- I was a sight. I was really dark, I had bad skin like it was scarred and spotty, I had braces and it did not look cute like it does on some girls, it looked fucking stupid and I had glasses - big ass, chunky glasses; not hipster cool ones, dumbass, dorky ones. I was just ugh... It was hard. Now I live in a house full of boys and I'm the only girl so by extension I'm the prettiest- it's great. Lol. 

But it was hard. Like all I ever heard was "your mum is hot" or like "omg that's your mum, what happened to you?", my favourite "are you like adopted?". It's not just that my mum is hotter than me she is also good with people, nice and she's just  normal; people gravitate to her and I'm like "yeah... I'll just sit here in the corner alone". Tbh that's how I met my husband, sitting in a corner alone. Even growing up my little sister was fun, cute and pretty so people always wanted to pick her up and play with her. And then my little brother he was so cute and shy but it made people desperate to make him comfortable with them but I was just like... there. Just there. Lurking around. After a while I used it. If anyone spoke to me I'd just burst into tears. Do you know what to do with a fifteen year old girl that has just started crying for no reason? No. You just walk away so no one asks you what you said to make her cry. Like now I hate people looking at me or talking to me. Tbh I think it's partly why I'm such a weirdo outside. Like I was born strange and I got stranger but when I was little I didn't mind people now like I cry if I have to go outside in an emergency because I didn't have a week to mentally prepare myself. It's T-T" 

My sister is so pretty. Like now she's a teenager and she's just so perfect. She has great skin and she's so just perfect. Omg. It makes me angry. Like if I could punch her in the face and it not hurt her and I not get into trouble I would so punch her. In her perfect face. Really hard. How can one person be so perfect?! Although she's a pain in the ass sometimes so god did balance that out. Like I'm nicer than my sister. My sister totally believes that because she's so pretty she shouldn't have to be nice. It's true what they say beauty is only skin deep. 

My brother is like cute and boyish. I mean he is still a kid but we all know he's going to grow up to be a handsome young man and I'm going to sit on him and punch him in the arm for it. Like dammit be on my side. And he's smart but he's weird like me so there's that. 

I already know my son is going to be gorgeous because he is now. Like he has the longest eyelashes I've ever seen on a baby and he has the most adorable eyes. He's just so cute. Like people that don't even like babies think he is cute. It's awesome. Lol. 

Like the rest of my family are really social, fun people who happened to be really good-looking too. Fuck I've just realised not only am I the ugly duckling, I'm also the fucking weirdo, hmmm... My brother is pretty weird too. I'm like joint first with my brother. Oh well. I don't mind it. Tbh I'm kinda different from them too like they all hold education really high and I know are all a little disappointed that I don't have anything past basic qualifications but they respect that I'm doing what makes me happy. Meh. 

Also I was never the pretty one in my friends. Ever. Like never. The weird one or the geeky one, most definitely but never pretty one. It's only though. I didn't mind. Fuck off, didn't I. No I think I cried on numerous occasions about being so unattractive. I was like "no one will ever want to be with meeeeee". But hey, everything worked out so fuck you awkward teenage years, you can go fuck a duck. 

What I'm trying to say is that being an awkward and ugly teen doesn't mean you don't have things about you that are amazing or that it won't get better. Everyone fits in eventually and there is someone who will find you to be beautiful. You don't need to be hung up on how you look or how many friends you have because one day it won't matter. The girl who was prettiest and most popular at school still has to go to uni and get a crappy job until she can get a good one. That boy at school that everyone had a crush on but never even looked at you will probably had to have taken a course of antibiotics because being good looking doesn't protect against STI's and your mom is going to get older and your still way younger so you'll start finding yourself as she slowly slips into a midlife crisis. Lol I'm kidding. 

Things will get better, I promise.

Love,

Monica
            xxx

Friday, 27 March 2015

Laaa-de-daa

So did anyone like the posts on The 100? Like I was going to do it for all of them but I just wasn't feeling it so yeah that why they stopped. This is just a random thoughts blog tbh. 

Omg so much has gone on in my life lately. 

So omg I went to Paris for like a day with my husband, without my baby boy- my Maa had him. Paris was amazing, everything is so soft, delicate and just so perfect like I felt so brash and loud! Seriously though if I have any readers in Paris and you guys feel like showing me around you should totally get in touch! We stayed at this gorgeous hotel on Rue De Ecoles, it was stunning. Like OMG it was just so beautiful. We did all the tourist things- love lock bridge, Notre Dame Cathedral, the Louvre, Eiffel Tower and we had an amazing time. I can't wait to go back. We've decided we want to go back at least once a year as a couple, to have like a time out and enjoy each other, you know? I feel like that's where couples get it wrong - for instance Raj works 9-5 which really means 6:30am to 8pm and it's like idk because I don't work I get to enjoy the small time we have during the week a lot in comparison to other women. Like I couldn't imagine going to work and then coming home and trying to entertain my son and be a wife. I'm pretty sure I would just die - if you do this, you deserve like a medal or some sort of  recognition cuz seriously you rock. But yeah what I mean is people know that their partner is always there and probably going through the same shit so they allow themselves to get into a rut of taking each other for granted and that's where problems start. I confuses me that new mums can be "touched out" after spending the day with the baby and like how people want to be alone to chill. I swear I feel like the most co-dependant person ever sometimes. If I've had a bad day whether it be down to arguing with sister (who is being such a total lemon atm, like just say "sorry" and we are done) or I'm feeling unwell or our son has been fussy non-stop all I want is to snuggle my husband, maybe have a little cry, eat some crap food but essentially I just want him. I want to sit with him. Just be next to him. He makes everything better (apart from when he is the problem, which is rare but when he is; it's usually a big thing). Everything just melts away when I bury my head into his shoulder- I can deal with anything and everything. Is that weird? Like I haven't seen other people since I got back from Paris. I can go weeks where my husband is the only other human I actually see and I feel like there is nothing wrong with this. I've spoken to other people, I mean I text and call my family/mates all day. My best friend Kirsty and I never stop talking. 4am chats and just throughout the day utter nonsense. Also have a really special relationship with my friend Chu who lives in NY, even though we live so many time ones and miles apart we are so caught up on each others lives, you know? My Siblings I know what they had to eat today, if they have homework (Weetabix), what page of what book they are reading, I know down to the littlest detail even though I don't live with them anymore. Idk I'm just really nosy I guess. 

Omg so I'm totally obsessed in The 100 as we all know but also Gotham is everything on a Monday. I can't even talk when it's on. It's just too amazing and OMG on Friday Marvel: Agents of Shield is back which is too awesome. Seriously no babies are going to be born this year, last year everyone seemed to have gotten up the duff all at once like there was something in the water or as my husband put it "the weather was shit so everyone stayed in but TV was so bad to avoid watching it everyone just had sex" I'm paraphrasing of course I can't really remember his exact words. TV is so good now all that needs to come back is Some Girls, My Mad Fat Diary, Avatar: The Last Airbender and Avatar: Legend Of Korra. 

My son is a currently on my lap kicking me in the chest and blowing sloppy gross raspberries at me. Lol! He's dribbling everywhere. OMG he just hit himself in the face and is like "what the hell just happened?" Omg he so cute. Meh. 

Anyways, I gots to go! Baby needs feeding!

Love,

Monica
             xxx