Saturday, 21 May 2016

So, you think being a SAHM isn't a job?


Why not, sweet'ums? 

Why am I not allowed to call my life 'my job'? Why am I not allowed to take pride in the work I do everyday? Why is not the thing invest my time and energy into, day in and day out not my job? Is it because I don't have time sheet or hours that I have to keep? Perhaps it's because I don't get paid, I am giving my time because I want to, I want to care for my child instead of paying someone else to do it. I don't pay taxes? Nah, but my family does - my husband pays into the system. Maybe it's the fact I don't hate very second of it like most of you do. 

I don't hate it because it's all I've ever wanted. If you could go back to your teenage self and tell them that you actually got to become whatever you had wanted to be at that age you would be so happy - I can do that, ever since I was a child all I have ever wanted was my own family and now I have it and for some reason you think you're allowed to try invalidate that. Nah, fucker you need to back your negative fuck face outta my sight before you get verbally throat punched. 

Being a mother and a wife is my job. I'm not going to go with gender neutral terms because some uptight fuckwit thinks that they are dirty submissive words. I'm not a home maker, I'm a wife. I'm not a caregiver, I'm a mother. And I am proud as hell to say that. They are my jobs in life. 

Go look at the definition of 'job', when you're done doing that have a look at what the married couples allowance (U.K) is so you can stop yourself before you mention taxes, then come to me and explain why people get paid to do all the jobs I do but just because I do all of them under the very wonderful title 'mummy' it's not your definition of a 'job'. People hire nannies and they are very well paid in most cases, cleaners, tutors, cooks - all of these people are paid for the job that they do - I do all of these to some extent.
It's my duty to make sure my child is fed, hydrated, clean and happy. It's my job to nurture him, educate him and love him. It's my responsibility to keep my home clean and safe for him. My relationship/family situation allows for me and my husband to divide our time and energies to the tasks we are good at, and yes, in this case they do happen to seem what some would call "gender based" roles but we just happen to be good at them. If a something in the house breaks or needs mending I'm better at DIY so he always let me do it and he makes really good sandwiches so whatever. We divide our chores based on who is best suited to the task. I've always had a mothering nature and my husband has always been good at working with people. I will always admit that I have never worked a day in my life and that I am very lucky to not have to, before I got married I was at college and trying to recover from a traumatic few years and after I got married there was no need for me to work, my husband has always provided for me. To be honest I think we need one another to be the way we are - it's why we work so well, we fit together.

I don't understand the need to box and categorise people. I'm not into any of your business. You have no right to judge me. 

What is sad is the fact worst people for judging stay at home mothers are actually other mothers, especially working ones but please don't think I'm talking to you working mums who have no choice. You know what I love about the mums that have to work as oppose to want to, they seem to understand me better. They wish they could be home with their families. They have no choice but to work, they need to provide and they feel guilty for having to leave their children; you women are fuckin' kickass. Putting yourself through so much just to put food on table and a roof over your babies head. You boss-ass females are fucking holding it down, you women are the women whos backs are holding the next generation up. I've been the daughter of a single working mum and I have nothing but respect for you. You mothers would do anything to give your babies the best that you can. 

I'm talking to the women who's careers are more important to them than the child they just bought into the world. The ones who don't bother breastfeeding because who has time for that? Not me, I need to be back at work. The ones desperate to get back to work because being "cooped up in the house" with their own baby makes them crazy, doing things to nurture your child like skin to skin sessions and reading are a waste of time because you aren't doing anything productive. 

Why is it that I am degraded by those mums? You do all of the house chores and work, the fuck do you want? Most of us are just doing the best we can. I just want you to back the fuck up with calling me lazy or stupid. If you can tell me I'm lazy and stupid then I'll be honest and say I think you are a bad mum for not putting your child's needs above your superficial career, is your job going to hug you when you die? Nope. But I just want to put it out there, I'm not some kept woman, I don't have someone looking after my child and home for me, stop assuming I do. I could work but I'd just be paying for someone else to do my job while I go out and be "a contributor to society" what would be the point? My son would be closer to someone who doesn't love him, I would miss all of his milestones and come home tired from working. I'm not okay with that and I am fortunate enough to be able to do so, why would I not take advantage of that? I have this wonderful privilege to be able to care for my son and keep my home without having to worry financially as my husband works very hard. Do you realise how many parents would love to be able to spend their time watching their children grow? Not everyone feels that their careers are more important than their child. If you know you aren't going to be there to care for them because your priority is your job/career then don't have a kid. It's rather simple. Either be a good parent on top of your career or just be a career woman, children aren't some accessory to your life - they are people.  They have feelings and constantly putting them at the bottom of your narcissistic to-do list is cruel. Missing events that are important to them, not being there when they need you and pushing them aside will always hurt them, eventually they will learn to not need you at all. If you aren't interested in raising the why the fuck even have them? A smart, go-getter like you surely knows how to use contraception. Figure it out.

Now, I do have to mention the other group of women that call me out, the modern, working, single women; you guys are too good to stay at home and care for a human because you are busy changing the world one '#' and instagram at a time. You don't need a man because you got your own, letting a man pay for you would be sacrilege. Your faux cult-like feminism and extreme and petty arguments - the male icon is placed in front of the female used for 'friends'  on the Facebook app, this obviously means Facebook thinks men are better than women. Nope. The way you guys look down at me infuriates me, when you see me with my husband and son, you bitches just fucking assume I am a weak and uneducated. I am just way past caring, dollface. While you are busy trying to prove to society "I'm not a woman, I'm a person" - I am just living my life the way that makes me happy, I don't need to prove anything to any fucker. I hate the fact that what makes me feel like a strong person (kickass mumma/wifey) is constantly attacked by these women, (or should I say "people" because apparently being a woman is an insult) because they think I am some oppressed and abused 1950s housewife, like no bitch, that is not what I am. You are a so called 'modern woman', a 'feminist'? But because I have a strong connection with my maternal side I'm a lesser woman then you? Your brand of feminism sure is inclusive, it is so completely about all women and the rights they ought have as a member of society. I don't want to be a modern woman if it means that if I'm not allowed to be the mother I want to be. I don't want to be a feminist if it means I have to leave my child in the care of someone I don't even know, before he is able to even speak so he can't even tell me if something is wrong, I am good, Sugar. I don't want to be like you if I have to be a judgmental mean girl. The original feminists wanted the same social, economical and political rights as men, they wanted their femininity to be respected the same way that masculinity is respected and it not be seen as a weakness somehow rendering women as delicate celestial beings. I don't want to be a man, I want to be a woman - a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter. Every single aspect of my existence is somehow a stain on feminism, I remove my body hair - that's wrong, real women have body hair and by removing it I am buying into raunch/paedophile culture or the patriarchy, by taking my husbands second name I am adhering to the concept that women are possessions, by wearing a bra and not freeing the nipple I am sexualising my own body and telling everyone that I ashamed of my female form, by being skinny I am not body positive and don't believe in size equality because I am brainwashed by the patriarchal media and the pressure of society to be perfect. If a woman role play power exchange during sex where she is assuming the submissive, then she is throwing years of feminism into the gutter. If a women wears makeup she is succumbing to the media and it's portrayal of the "perfect women".

FUCK OFF. FUCK YOUR TYPE OF FEMINISM. FUCK YOUR CONCEPT OF THE MODERN WOMAN. FUCK YOU.
I am a woman. I am all about gender equality, gender/sexuality oppression is disgusting. I am for the representation of healthy female and male models - but I am not about to blast "skinny bitches" or say that size two isn't realistic because for some people it is. Women are not objects or possessions but I do belong to my husband I am his, just as he is mine - because we love each other not because of some fucked up, obsolete concept constructed by religion and society and I took his name because I liked it and I wanted to. Whether I wear a bra or not is not part of any social movement, my mammary glands have fed a child and I know what they are for. Me wanting to be a woman and loving my female traits are not shameful concepts. If you think I am a delicate little flower just because I am happy to call myself a woman surely you are as bad as the male chauvinists you so vehemently hate. Surely, you see that looking down on me for being what you deem as classically womanly is just as awful as saying women with short hair are not feminine. You can't say you are pro-woman if you don't include all women. You just can't segregated us because you don't agree with our life choices. Who cares if a chick likes to have her some fun sex, the fucks it got to do with you - as long as it is consensual and she's is happy.  What has it got to do with you if she wants to wear makeup - maybe she just wants to look fine as fuck for herself, in the mirror all like "that contour tho, mama" and "my highlight lookin' damn good". 

Stop trying to drag other women down all the time. Have your opinions just keep them to yourself if they are hurtful to others.  Stop asking me when I'm going back to work and telling you would go crazy if you were so "wonton and redundant". Stop trying to make me feel inadequate.

To me, being a mother is a wonderful role to be in. I've always wanted kids, it's my life and it makes me happy. I will always refer to it as my job because I take it seriously, my husband and I, are partners in this and we answer to one another when it comes to our parenting skills and decisions. We review our child's meal plans, deciding together whether foods and snacks are working or not. We look at development and routine - do we need to add anything to his lessons? Are there any new toys that will help advance a skill set?   We reward one another for hard work and we work together to provide a well-rounded, stimulating, disciplined but loving environment for the small person we decided to bring into the world. We take it seriously because in the future we will have to answer to our son, if we get it wrong he could go on to hurt others or himself. It is a job to me and to my partner because I want to put as much of my time, energy and love as I possibly can. I can't imagine my child feeling like I did sometimes when I was young, we as parents always try to provide and fill a void that we had in our lives. For me it was absent parents - out of choice or not, feeling lonely or unimportant was regular for me because I was left by a parent. Abandonment and daddy issues mean that I'm so conscious of the effect that poor parenting can have on a child. You say I'm being 'over protective and ridiculous' but I know what it's like to be betrayed and hurt by someone who was meant to care for you and the terrible consequences it can have as you grow older and I will damned if I left my child feel that. 

So go on, keep on with the bullshit and tell me that being a mum isn't a job because it just shows me how half-assed you'll be as a parent. Do me a favour and say "hi" to your mum from me and let her know she either did a really awful job of raising you or you're just a condescending/damaged person and that I'm sorry for that; it must be hard to have that kind of individual as a child. 

I'm out. I need to go hug my kid and him that I love him before I put him in bed for his nap. 

As always, Love,

Monica
             xxx

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