Tuesday, 14 June 2016

I stand with every single Emily Doe

The victim blaming in society is bad enough, it doesn't really matter which country, every single one has  a problem with it. The real problem here is the legal systems we have in place. They are fucking infuriating. The legal representations tear apart a person almost as bad as the person they are defending did. However, ironically I don't blame them, they get payed to represent the sick bastards, everyone has to make money, albeit it is a disgusting way but they still have bills to pay, families to feed and souls to sell. And with such an awful, cancerous, loophole ridden system it's no wonder that so many offenders get away with their crimes. My issue is with the Brock Tuners of this world, the individuals committing these crimes, you know you are guilty when you run to daddy and start paying for expensive lawyers. Just because you are a rich kid doesn't mean that the law doesn't apply to you, you rancid, cretinous, vile pointless little parasite. 

Brock Turner you don't deserve the leniency you're being shown. You aren't the Stanford Swimmer, you are a sex offender. Your hobby and education are not who you are, your actions dictate who you are. And your actions show us that you are a sex offender. You preyed on a vulnerable unconscious individual because you thought you would get away with it. You are sick in the head and your dad is just as sick as you are. 

I would like to speak to your father, as one parent to another parent but it genuinely makes me feel ill that you can call yourself a parent. 
As a father how can you excuse your son for doing what he did to another human being. 
Mr Turner, you do realise your son intimately assaulted an unconscious person? Your child, made another persons child - a victim. He hurt someone else's child. There are many things that your son is - a now registered sex offender, an awful person with terrible morals and a lack of decency but a victim is not one of them. If anyone in my family male or female were to commit such an offence it would suffice to say that I would want them punished, no one has the right to intrude someones body. Do you have no humanity? Do you not have a wife? Sisters? Mother? If someone were to happen upon their unconscious form would you be okay with the perpetrator dragging them into a dark place, behind dumpsters and intimately assaulting them? Would it not anger you if someone were to invade their bodies? Would you blame them or the person that hurt them? Wouldn't you want justice, if not retribution? I would. I would want the person who hurt my family to be slaughtered in a horrific fashion; however, I understand that as a civilisation we have moved on from barbaric punishments and as such I would settle for a very long stay in jail. If it were your daughter crying in your arms after a stranger had sexually assaulted her, how would you feel? How would you feel hearing what they had done to her? Would it not make your heart ache to see her in pain, emotionally broken, physically harmed, internally scathed? 

Parent to parent, if it were my child the sheer disgust I would feel would pain me to look at them, but I wouldn't stop loving them; that's not something we parents are allowed to do, there is an unwritten clause of unconditional love that we sign up to when we bring a human into the world but that also comes with wanting what's best for them, making sure they get what they need to become a good person. In this case a jail sentence is what's best, your kid needs to be taught a lesson that you clearly didn't provide. If you had taught him the easy way, with love and nurturing, he wouldn't have to be taught by the justice system and those in it. He needs to be taught that you are not allowed to touch a person unless they say you are allowed. Did you not have the safety talks that we as parents are meant to have? When my son can speak properly and I know he will be spending time with people other than me and my husband, we will sit him down and discuss him that no body is allowed to touch him in anyway unless he is okay with it, he is always allowed to say "no", even if you don't want someone to hug you, you just have to tell them. His body belongs to him and he has control over what happens to it. But nobody is allowed to touch or ask to see his pants area, privates are privates, although doctors, nurses and me or his dad may have to but we will always explain and ask if it's okay first. I'll explain that if anyone does do that he is to say very clearly "no" and  try to get away and if that's not possible because he is scared or he is trapped then he is to tell me or someone he trusts as soon as he can, that I will always believe him and that it is never his fault, that no matter what anyone tells him I will always love him. I will explain the difference between "good" secrets and "bad" ones, that you should always talk to me, you dad or someone else that he trusts about secrets, things or people that make you sad or frightened because we can help, I will tell him that no one can hurt him or his family if he is to tell us a secret. Along side that I will explain he isn't allowed to touch a person without their consent either and that he is to never touch a person in their pants area either because that's private and just like he has the right to say "no" so do they. I'll teach him to respect people and their boundaries. I would have this conversation again when he turned into a teenager, with more mature language and depth. Mr Turner, it is our duty to protect our children from the world but it is also our responsibility to teach our kids right from wrong to protect the world from them.  Mr Turner, if my child was to do something so abhorrent I would feel like a failure as a parent and person. The guilt and shame I would carry would be so heavy. I would blame myself for not teaching him that you're not allowed to rape a person because it's wrong. Usually, I am quite aversive to blaming parents for their child's crimes however, in your case I can clearly see that you have some blame to carry, your actions following your sons arrest and adamancy that your son is a victim of drinking culture and the frat life shows me that you are a man who is not willing to accept culpability when wrong and I can understand where your offspring has picked this up from, in my eyes that makes a very small person, certainly not man. You failed as a parent, which is bad enough but now you are failing as a human being too. I feel sorry for the women in your life. I pity your lack of basic humanity. Honestly, I'm just sad that you can call yourself a father. 

Now on to Brock. Brock you're only a few years younger than me but I'm going to speak to you like I would a child because that is the way you are being portrayed in the media- a helpless, baby-faced young boy who made the mistake of drinking too much. Brock, it's really not hard to refrain from sexually assaulting people. You do realise how many men, no matter how drunk don't assault or rape women? It's pretty simple, Brock yes, means yes. No, means no. Silence, means no. Unconscious, means no. Unresponsive, means no. Consent is given, not assumed. Consent can be give in many ways, enthusiasm, reciprocation, verbally. An unconscious persuon can not show enthusiasm, they cannot reciprocate kissing or touching and they most definitely cannot verbally consent to you entering their body with a part of yours. Now I'm going to address you like the adult you are because if you're old enough to consume alcohol and make the decision to have sex then as far as I'm concerned you are more than old enough to take responsibility for your actions to be honest Brock, no right minded person would want to touch a vile excuse of a human being like you. I hope you never have a child, let alone a daughter because you do not deserve to be entrusted with a life. I wish I could ask every person of this planet to never show any sexual interest in you but apparently you don't need someone to give consent or express interest in you for you to decide that they want it. You are not a victim, you are the damager. You are the person that cause your life and Emily Doe's to collide, you instigated this whole sad, sordid and painful ordeal. Stop cowering behind your daddy and his money, admit what you did wrong, own the fuck up to your crimes, apologise. Stop being a coward. Stop playing the victim. You've already done the damage, there is no turning back time and undoing what you did to her that night. You can't take away what you did to her and the pain it caused. You can un-rape her. But you can start to atone, try to give her closure. You started this, Brock. It's your fault. You have to admit culpability and blame. You turned two lives and many other connected lives upside down because you made the decision to think you mattered more than her. If you want to get past this and not be just a sex offender you have to take blame and start to accept what you did so you can move past it. It will always be with you, like it will be for her, but you can both start to build you separate lives again. 

To Emily Doe, every single one. 

I wish I could hug you, tell you I'm sorry that there are people like that in the world. I wish I could cry with you and tell you that what happened is unfair and I will always stand with you in spirt. I would love to be able to promise you that I will do my best to raise my boy right and that I will try to encourage other to do the same. I hope one day you get to see a world where no one ever puts a hand on a person without consent, regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation or mental state. I wish I could help you through your pain, hold your hand through each stage of recovery. I wish I could be a part of your direct support system but all I can do is be a voice in the millions of voices who also stand by you. You are not what was done to you, you are a person. You are not just a victim, you are a survivor. Whatever they stole from you and however they did it, you are not to blame. Anyone blaming you, making you feel like any less of a person, ostracising you is in the wrong. You being harmed is the result of someone else's callous actions. Please stay strong. Please keep looking to the future and better times. Please remember that there are people who love you.

To the two Swedish students that saved her - Carl-Fredrik Arndt and Peter Jonsson, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being brave and standing up, making a difference. You saved her from what could have been, you stopped it before it got worse. You restrained Brock which couldn't have been easy, emotionally it must have been so distressing. Thank you for being what Brock should have been. Please hug your parents from me and thank them too for raising you boys right. Never stop being that person, keep making differences in the world. 

I have always known that I wanted to be standing with the people who believe in equality, acceptance and protecting our planet but I've never known how, I'm almost 23, I have no great ideas to help clean up the seas, no qualifications, no way of really making a difference but I can help nurture a person who may go on to make a small difference to those around him. If each of us decide to teach our children how to be good, accepting, caring people with morals and decency, a thirst and respect for knowledge, a healthy interest in making the world a better place in any way; then we can help them build a much better future for themselves because we and the generations before us have sure done a good job of fucking it all up. We have to be that balancing generation, it's going to be a hard long journey but if we try maybe one day we won't be ashamed of what we have become as a race. People like Donald Trump and terrorists won't have a voice or place in that time. 

I'm sorry that I'm babbling but sometimes I watch my baby boy sleep and I have to choke back tears because there are so many dangers in the world and I've decided to bring him into this. Sometimes, I think how could I be so selfish? This world can be a dark and harsh place and the thought that he could end up being a victim of that terrifies me. He could end up a plaything to the sick, greedy, immoral people in society. I want to protect him and every child on the earth. But I can't, all I can do is try to make sure I get it right with him and encourage others to do the same. 

Please go to your loved ones and hold them tight. Tell them you love them and try your hardest every single day to be the best you can, spread a little positivity and laughter. Just be a good person, that's all we can really do. 



With all of my love,


Monica 
             xxx


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